6/10/2006

Men's Secret Desire

I have figured it out ladies. I know what all men what. Yes, the secrets of the universe have been revealed to me, and I am now ready to impart my wisdom to you, O goddess sisters. All men, in their heart of hearts, want a truck. You know, a truck to haul stuff. I thought it was only my husband who longed for this powerful thing. He has jokingly talked about a pick-up since the days when we lived in Arkansas. He said it would make us blend with our other white trash neighbors. I told him that we didn't need a truck, the dilapidated van we drove that had the paint peeling off, scratches on the side, and a side door that fell off just as I was pulling into the driveway and which sat on our front lawn for a day was quite enough to help us blend in, thank you very much. And the 2 days the toilet sat in our front yard definitely helped dispel any remaining doubts our neighbors might have had about what kind of people we were. Yep, only quality people use appliances and car doors as lawn ornaments. Anyway, I thought it was a joke, really. I mean, a pick-up is not exactly a family friendly car, and gas prices being what they are, what the heck do we need a gas guzzling monster filling up our driveway? It wasn't a joke people. We now own a truck. But here's the astonishing thing. Even though this truck is like a thousand years old, and, as my cousin put it, "A bit boxy", DH loves it. But he's not the only one. My brother said, "Hey, you got a TRUCK? Where? I wanna see it!" And he and my nephew hightailed it outside to check out the truck. And you know what they said when they saw our cheap, ancient, boxy pick-up? "Cool truck." And they meant it. I visited my parents this weekend, and my mother, who said, "You can't drive this thing. You don't know how to drive a truck!" when we brought it home, has kind of resigned herself to the fact that her youngest daughter occasionally drives around in an automobile that can also carry 2 cubit yards of dirt (I know that because DH has already filled it with dirt, many times, to haul it into our garden. Yes, he's a man obsessed). But Mom is clearly not thrilled about the whole thing. Plus, she honestly thinks the truck is ugly as sin. My dad's reaction? "Cool truck." And he meant it too. He even said it twice. This is a man who thinks camping is another term for torture, who has never been on a pair of skis-- snow, water, or otherwise-- in his entire life, and who thinks badminton is an exhilerating sport. The most indoors person I know. He likes the truck. Our neighbor is thrilled. He said, "Yeah, we wanted to haul some dirt in for our garden, but I didn't know anybody who had a truck. But now that you're here...you know, I saw you all pull up in that thing, and I thought, 'Yes, a neighbor with a truck!'" And of course, you know what followed after that. "Cool truck." Cool truck indeed. The men in my life are going crazy over it. It's the strangest things I have ever seen, and yet, it seems to be a completely consistent reaction among the male species. Their secret desire. To move big piles of stuff from one place to another in a big motorized vehicle. Who knew. Anybody need to haul some dirt?

27 Comments:

Blogger oshee said...

I read this post to my husband and he just nodded through it. At the end he said, "Yep, she's got it."

He then went on for quite sometime about what a truck is good for.

Great post.

6/11/2006 12:26:00 AM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

My FIL bought a truck for no reason whatsoever, to haul imaginary stuff.

6/11/2006 01:47:00 AM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

We have TWO trucks in our driveway. A "work" one, and a "regular" one- Why? Heck if I know-- I'd really like one of them to disappear. But Trucks are Cool. Nothing, I mean Nothing, makes my boys happier to ride with dad when he puts the "snow plow" on the "work" truck. It's in the DNA, I'm thinking...

6/11/2006 04:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Geprge Strait said...

"there's somethin' women like about a pickup man"

6/11/2006 10:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Susan M said...

Where's the pictures?!

My dad had the most awesome truck when I was growing up, a 60's Chevy. Built like a tank. I used to drive it occasionally and it was so fun. No power steering on that thing, it had to be moving a little for me to even be able turn the steering wheel.

6/11/2006 11:26:00 AM  
Blogger moddy said...

I must admit that for most of my married life we have owned a truck, (not one truck the whole time but more like 5 or 6 different trucks, 8 if you count a bronco as a truck like my dh does.
And while at first I was totally against having a truck I must say the I really like them. 2 1/2 yrs ago we traded our truck and tarus in on a minivan and it was hard to see it go. But a couple of months ago dh got his wish and he now once again owns a truck.
But beware now that people know you own a truck every flipping time someone moves they are going to call you!

6/11/2006 04:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Arwyn said...

Two more tales to bolster the evidence:

My dad, a geologist by day and Master Gardener by evening and weekend, has talked about buying a truck for about ten years now. He hasn't, yet. But I still expect to someday pull into that Alabama neighborhood and find an old rusty truck in his driveway. Someday.

My roommate in college had an uncle who'd struck it rich with a startup back in the '80s, and decided to purchase a cottage on the beach about an hour from our school. When he flew in from DC to buy the place, rather than take a cab or rent a car at the airport, he decided that he'd always wanted a truck -- so took a cab from the airport to the dealership and bought himself a big black one.

Then again, growing up in Alabama, and ashamed of the '86 Cougar that my brother drove (the "pimp-mobile", as it was affectionally called while it had its shiney gold paint job), I wanted a truck. I wanted my first car to be a dark blue Chevy Silverado.

And when I finally did get my first car, it was a Civic Hybrid. And that's another story entirely. But mine, I think, goes to show that women aren't entirely immune from the truck-angst...

6/11/2006 06:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I beat your husband to truck ownership by two months. Yes!

Cool truck.

-Adam Greenwood

6/11/2006 11:30:00 PM  
Blogger Mardell said...

I'm the one who wants the truck in our marriage. My husband really could care less what he drives. He'd rather stay home and read a book or surf the internet anyway.

Of course, I'm also the one who made him get all the power tools that we own. He got me an air compressor for my birthday a few months ago -- and I was quite pleased. I had been dropping hints for months.

I'm also the one who makes him take care of the cars, but that's another point. He's clueless enough not to notice things about how the car's running, until I point them out to him.

6/12/2006 02:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Mary said...

My husband and I both love trucks. For him it is because the first car he drove in high school was a pickup. For me, I grew up in a farming family and just think trucks (real trucks, not pickups) are so fun to drive! We, however, have a sedan. We don't need a truck and really don't want to pay for all that gas. But now and then, DH whistfully talks about getting a truck - "It would be so handy and it could even be the family car, we could get one with a double cab that seats 6..." It's cute.

Have fun with your cool truck!

6/12/2006 09:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Wbpraw said...

Another little known fact: He thinks it's sexy to see you driving his "cool truck."

6/12/2006 01:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband refuses to ever own a truck because he doesn't want to be "that guy with a truck". Simply put, he doesn't want to help you move.

6/12/2006 02:35:00 PM  
Anonymous queen serene said...

Womb envy.

6/12/2006 03:15:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

My hubby laughed when he read this because he's probably the only guy who doesn't want a truck. Tahoe, yes. Truck? No. I don't really see the difference, but I can understand. I drive the Tahoe... :)

6/12/2006 05:39:00 PM  
Blogger hairyshoefairy said...

My hubby and I have argued the truck issue many times. He keeps telling me all the times he could have used one since we've been married. I see it as just one more reason for people to call us to help move (altough, he's in the EQ presidency so ends up helping everyone anyway) and not really a family vehicle. But what do I know? I'm just a city slicker.

6/12/2006 08:15:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Since I told them about this post, my brother and my nephew claim that they don't really want a truck, that they are both perfectly happy with their SUV.

Tahoe, SUV, truck--sounds like everybody is just arguing semantics to me. A big vehicle that can haul stuff--that's what men want. Call it what you will, but they want it.

WBPraw-I didn't know men thought women driving trucks was sexy. I'll take all the help I can get, though!

6/12/2006 09:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Matt Jacobsen said...

Now that you know that secret, Heather, what do you call a person (obviously not a man) who wants the next car to be a Buick Roadmaster?

6/12/2006 09:22:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Matt-

What's Buick Roadmaster? Can it tow something, haul something, or crush something? It might be a truck in disguise...

6/12/2006 09:30:00 PM  
Blogger Bonez said...

Several years ago I came up with my own phrase for the huge trucks with the light bars and wheels and rims that cost more combined than some small cars. I call them the Penis Truck....as it's often an outward expression for what the drive may find personally lacking.

6/12/2006 11:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Men. DH is the same way. When we moved from Montana to Texas, he has to trade in his truck for a Neon. Man, talk about a sacrifice so we could buy a house.

To this day, he still pines for a truck. I told him someday we'll get a quad cab that seats 6. (And I secretly want one too...)

6/13/2006 11:08:00 AM  
Blogger Dorothy said...

My husband doesn't want a truck just because he knows getting one will mean helping people move.

But he is known to verbalize the "uhdn uhdn" on seeing one with some umph. It is definitely testosterone in the DNA.

Don't even get me started on the "my truck is bigger than your truck" fights.

6/13/2006 01:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Matt Jacobsen said...

Buick Roadmaster. Station wagon. Wood panelling. 9 passengers. Clark Griswald.

I must admit that it is built to haul things, mostly my kids and their friends.

6/13/2006 02:52:00 PM  
Blogger Mo Mommy said...

cheep, ancient, and boxy?
*sigh* that's my favorite kind of truck.
And let's not fool ourselves people, if it's 2 wheel drive, it isn't a truck!!
We bought a truck a few years into our marriage. Dh thought it was okay and it was handy when we moved, but as soon as we could it was right back to a Jeep for us!!

6/13/2006 05:26:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

I'm not sure what to call somebody who wants a Buick Roadmaster. Surely YOU aren't the one who wants one, right? Admit, Matt, you are pining for a beat-up pick-up, a bloodhound in the back, and the open road. Roadmasters? You don't need no stinkin' Roadmasters!

Ok, with your brood, maybe you do, but you can dream of greater autos, right?

6/13/2006 06:20:00 PM  
Blogger Jamie J said...

The first vehicle I ever owned myself was a truck. I LOVE trucks! I drove an old 87 Toyota pickup with no power steering in high school and after that I knew what my first car would be. I drove my own truck for a couple years and had to sell it last year to get a sedan. ewww. I still would love a truck. It's not just guys....it's something about being higher, looking over the road, having raw power (only if it's a stick). I loved driving that thing.

6/14/2006 04:30:00 PM  
Anonymous JKS said...

I think trucks are sexy. I would love my husband to get a truck for his midlife crisis. But his dream car is a Mustang.

6/15/2006 02:58:00 AM  
Blogger Slap-Happy said...

It needs to have the goods, like a winch up front for towing strangers out of ditches, a trailer hitch. Inside it can be a nightmare, and I wouldn't mind.

My first was a '72 Chevy Luv. It was designed with one thing in mind: price.

But I'd hug that thing every day if I coulda.

6/15/2006 11:25:00 PM  

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