Defined as "loss or diminution of the ability to recognize familiar objects or stimuli, usually as a result of brain damage." My own experience with agnosia has involved stroke victims, usually right hemisphere stroke victims, who don't recognize parts of their own body. This really happens. It is truly truly freaky when somebody tells you that she is not sure if the hand on the table is hers or yours. I've also seen people have finger agnosia, as well as arm and leg agnosia, with varying levels of extremes. Today, I must have had a stroke or some other massive right brain injury, because I experienced what is commonly known in the scientific community as Butt Agnosia. Extreme Butt Agnosia. Either that, or somebody else was naked with me in the dressing room at Target while I was trying on swim suits, but I just really don't want to go there. I don't like swimsuit shopping. Really, not at all. At least now they have some cute suits that have those litte flare skirts that actually cover your rear end as well as any accompanying cellulite, but it doesn't make it easier because you still know it is all there. And where will the agnosia end? Today the butt, tomorrow the tummy, next year the thighs, and before you know it, in 10 years I will want to introduce myself to that friendly lookin' gal in the mirror with the saggy eyes and the wrinkles around her forehead who looks mildly familiar but I just can't quite place her. But since all of this mental deficiency is setting in rather early, maybe by then I'll be so far into the realm of dementia that I will do just that: shake that smiling lady's hand, and we'll be good old pals. Me and mirror woman. And truly, how much farther is denial from agnosia? I mean, once you are told that those yucky body parts really do belong to you, it's just a hop, skip and jump into the land of "Nunh-unh". And aren't we all happier there, really? So once I get over my inability to recognize familiar objects, I think I'll move there, the land of "Yeah, right." Then I could still be friends with mirror woman but I could say stuff behind her back like, "Yeah, she's a good friend, I like her and all, but I'm sure glad my butt's not as big as hers. Let's go swimsuit shopping!" See, now isn't that better? I'm feeling happier already. Whose up for icecream?


Blogger Tracy M said...

This is one of the funniest things you have ever written Heather! I love that we now have a word for this disorder we all get in the dressing rooms...

Swimsuits! Wow, are you brave!!

6/01/2006 03:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Mary said...

That's hilarious! Ah, swimsuit shopping... I hope you find something you love!

I am 36 weeks pregnant right now and have no idea who that rolly-polly, puffy-faced lady is in the mirror, but worse, in pictures where I accidentally appear. Face agnosia?

Your post brought a smile to this puffy face!

6/01/2006 07:37:00 AM  
Blogger Darlene said...

I had a serious problem the first time I resorted to the bum-hiding skirty swimsuits. They are just so "Mom."

But I am a mom. Why is it so hard to acknowledge that I look like exactly what I am? I was asking hubby that this morning. "I just miss my cute little college body. The mate-bait body." He told me I'm still mate-bait to him. I guess I should rejoice in that and make friends with this mom-body.

BTW, Mary, I have the same problem. I guess it's a mercy that I never know I am so puffy while I'm pregnant. I always think I'm looking pretty good, "showing only from the front," etc. It isn't until months later when I get the pictures developed that I have the crisis: "You let me go out in public like THAT???? I had no idea I looked that bad!"

6/01/2006 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Heather O. said...


It's more out of necessity than bravery. J loves to swim, and we spent all afternoon at the pool. I literally wear my suits out every season because I am in the pool almost every day, and when I found 2 holes in one suit and a busted seam in another, I figured I had to bite the bullet and get a new one. I meant to buy two, just because they wear longer if I can alternate them, but I was so horrified at the big white whale-like thing that I discovered is actually attached to my body that I only managed to buy one.

Oh, and I get puffy when I'm pregnant, too. There is a picture that was taken about 2 days before I delivered J, and even the woman who took it admits, "Yeah, that wasn't the best time for you to be photographed." Thanks a lot-you were the one with the stupid camera!

6/01/2006 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger annegb said...

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

I have one of those flat butts and I notice other womens' butts, with total envy.

I wish I could take all this off my stomach and put it in my butt.

6/03/2006 12:03:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home