1/17/2006

A-cuppers unite, or why MMW is not edgy

We got snarked. Apparantly, we are just not edgy enough. Sadly, though, we are compared to Tales From the Crib when they were talking about boobs. Not that I have anything against Tales, it's just that the boobs were specifically mentioned. That's right. We are not edgy because we don't talk about breasts enough. That's the topic that the Snarker thinks is so edgy and cool. Perfect evidence that the Snarker is most certainly male. In this male dominated Bloggernacle, where the lawyers can't figure out why more Mormon women don't blog, and wonder why more women don't comment or post, people get all excited when another Mommy blog posts about boobs. Cleavage. Bazoombas. That's what counts. That's what it comes down to, ladies. Sad, sad, sad. What if you don't have any boobage to post about, huh? What if your very best feature on your entire body just happens to be your clavicles? (And there's only ONE permablogger in the bloggernacle who is man enough to write not about fleshy fat deposits around mammary glands, but about beautiful bone structure!) What are all the rest of us A-cuppers supposed to do, thank you very much? I think we should rise up and protest! Yes, let's PROTEST! Let's make our voices heard, let the Bloggernacle know that small breasted women are women too! We demand our rights! I'm not really sure what those rights would be, but dammit, if bouncy, buxom ladies are gettin' 'em, I want 'em too! Maybe we should sponsor some event, something that would raise funds for our cause. How about, um, a boob naming contest? Yeah, that could work. Let's get all the breast obsessed blogger-ites to write in what their most favorite breast names are. We could have themes, categories even. Media Cateogry: Thelma and Louise, Ren and Stimpy, or Pinky and the Brain. Religious: Urrim and Thummim. Cultural Icons: Calvin and Hobbes, Beavis and Butthead. To enter, you must pay MMW a zillion dollars. The winner gets a Bro.

33 Comments:

Blogger Snarkimus Prime said...

OK dingbats, if you read the original post, the one you link to, duh, you will see that only 1 of 2 topics snarked have to do with bewbs and none of the suggested topics deal with bewbs. And if you read the TftC comments on the bewbs post, you will see Kage isn\'t exactly tipping the scales at \"buxxxom\". So, whats the deal, sister?

If you\'re not edgy, its not because you\'re not taking bewbs.

Oh, Heather O., we are so flattered that Wife of Nate reads us. Thx.

1/17/2006 02:43:00 PM  
Blogger Kage said...

What about the double-A non-cuppers? Let me just admit right now that my bras are not exactly even qualifying for CUPS here. Maybe a good name for my boobs would be Whoopy and Cushion (for their expandability during moments of child making/feeding, and deflation after it's all over). And as far as the snarking, I have no idea what that was all about...but as a mormon mommy of two, if it means I'm edgy, I'll take it.

1/17/2006 03:02:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

BRO! HA! that's funny...

By the way, I really like TftC and read it often (and FMH)- and I don't know what the Snarker is talking about. What's edgy anyway? Should we be bordering on apostasy? Should we man-badger?

We need more Mormon women out here getting our voices in the mix. Whatever your voice may be... Hooray for us!

1/17/2006 04:34:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Snarker-

You have way, WAY too much time on your hands.

1/17/2006 05:00:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Tracy-

I'm not sure what edgy is, either. I like TftC too, but I don't see that it's all that different from us. I will grant that FMH is a little darker--they deal with some heavier topics over there, but they are up for a good poop story as much as anybody, I would say. Maybe the Snarker just can't handle poop?

Again, proof positive that he is definitely, without question, a man. Without kids. Who is certainly uncompassionate. And single. And hating it. Taking his frustrations out on simple, suburban housewives who are just trying to have some fun. Fun he is not getting. Definitely not getting any. Fun, I mean.

1/17/2006 05:05:00 PM  
Blogger The Daring One said...

Mormon woman blogger in the house. I just found you guys. Keep it up.

I had no idea there were a bunch of Mormon bloggers out there.

I'm a finalist for a Best of Blogs award right now and that was a big fat shock. I'm pretty much the only G-rated blogger in the mommy blog category. I didn't think I was edgey enough to get this far. (Maybe I'm not. I'm currently getting my butt kicked in the voting.)

Anyway.... I'll be back.

1/17/2006 05:34:00 PM  
Blogger Christian Y. Cardall said...

You don't need to stoop to the Snarkernacle's level by engaging this debate. Recognize that a woman's appeal is about more than physical beauty, and remain above the fray by not even acknowledging statements like his.

If you cannot remain at this exalted plane, cannot resist engaging the debate, but get sucked in to idea that physical beauty is at least something if not everything, insist that physical beauty is not only about breasts (i.e. cling tenaciously to your clavicle story, argue along with at least one other person that breasts are merely a secondary sexual characteristic, etc.).

If you must sink lower still and engage the discussion having conceded that breasts are a nontrivial component of physical beauty, insist (along with at least one other person) that size is only a modern and pathological culturally conditioned locus of attention, and that there are other important characteristics to be considered. For instance, to highlight one other such characteristic, might I suggest a "Balance" category to your naming contest? Yin and Yang, Sweet and Sour, Heaven and Earth, High and Mighty...

Finally, if the male-dominated Bloggernacle just becomes too much, there's an even lower road, viz., the nuclear option. Fight back, seize the initiative, go on the offensive, penetrate enemy territory---that is to say, change the subject. Cut the cretins down to size: remind them that breasts are not the only arena in which it is alleged that Size Matters.

1/17/2006 05:45:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Thanks, Christian. Glad to have you around.

And I love "High and Mighty"

1/17/2006 05:56:00 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

"High and Mighty" doesn't exactly describe anything I've possessed since I had kids. But maybe y'all have been more fortunate. Or you've found really great bras.

Snarker is obviously male. And IMO, a jerk.

1/17/2006 06:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Nichole said...

Since when are Mormon housewives supposed to be edgy? Of course everyone has a right to read what they like, but I personally relate better to this site. The controvercial stuff sometimes leaves me feeling uncomfortable and negative. Everyone has their favorite flavor. You don't need to compete with "edgy", it absolutely does not mean you're boring.

1/17/2006 08:19:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

Well said and thank you Nichole-

1/17/2006 10:16:00 PM  
Blogger Christian Y. Cardall said...

Allison, in this context of paired names---particularly in the category of "balance"---"High" and "Mighty" may well represent contrast rather than the customary mutually reinforcing unitary term "High and Mighty." That is to say, one higher and not so mighty, the other mightier and not so high.

And just for the record, I wouldn't bet my own life---but I would bet, say, Kaimi's life---that Kurt (an active commenter at the Banner) is the Snarker, or one of them if there are multiple authors.

1/17/2006 10:49:00 PM  
Anonymous meems said...

LOL, Christian!
For Kage and other non-cuppers out there: As a petite (ahem) person myself, here's a tip: bras in the teen section are cut differently than the "women's" bras. An A-cup is not always an A-cup!

1/18/2006 12:29:00 AM  
Blogger Kaimi said...

Heather,

The single best part about edgy MMW posts is the thought of Nate squirming at the fact that his wife is discussing boobs on her blog. I'm grinning at the thought. (Hi Nate!)

Oh, and you may want to ask Rosalynde to guest post about why breasts are just like beards.

Christian,

I don't know whether to be nonplussed (or perhaps plussed), at the thought that I'm the first name to come to mind in the "if I had to play Russian Roulette with someone else's head" category. I suppose that there may actually be exceptions to the "there's no such thing as bad publicity" rule!

Actually, your comment made me chuckle. It reminded me of a funny incident, years ago. I got one of those junk-mail letters offering $100 if I changed my long-distance carrier (for a year, or something like that). Except that their database was messed up -- so they were offering me $100, to change my dad's long distance carrier. (This after I had moved out of the parent's house). I thought it was pretty funny -- I could have gotten paid for changing someone else's long distance company.

As for snarkernacle, I've got a list of six or seven people I suspect. Kurt's on the list.

Hmm - you ought to do a post of Aaron Cox channeling the snarker:

I am. Not the snarker. For if I were. Then Aaron would not exist.

Like the wicked Jaredites. Misplaced their swords. May those who try to guess the snarker. Misplace their mouse.

1/18/2006 05:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Kurt said...

Christian,

High and mighty, to be sure. What does my being an active commenter at the Banner have anything to do with anything, other than I frequently attacked Aaron/Christian for being an idiot? And, pray tell, what motives you might have for unmasking someone else, oh, recently unmasked faux blogger? No revenge motive there, eh, Aaron/Christian? Not like you would want to smear me for being on the 9M team that exposed you and the rest of your Banner buddies for being a fraud? And, while you are at it, I would like you to explain how I am the Snarker, when the Snarker knew the original source of the Lisa image, when I clearly didnt. If I did, I would have exposed it during the the Banner expose, like we did on the Aaron photo, but I didnt, so that pretty effectively rules me out. But, I suppose if you were to revert to Aaron mode, logic and reason would no longer apply.

1/18/2006 07:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Kurt said...

tracy m,

The term "Bro" is from a Seinfeld episode.

1/18/2006 07:21:00 AM  
Blogger Kim Siever said...

Is that a no, Kurt?

1/18/2006 08:05:00 AM  
Blogger Snarkimus Prime said...

Heather O[racle], thanks to you and your sisters for providing grist for the mill.

Oh Christian, shut up, everyone knows you are the Snarker. You have a history of using stupid aliases and proxy IP addresses, and you are bitter about the BoH breakup.

Oh Kaimi, shut up, everyone knows you are the Snarker. You blog way too much, T&S is old and busted, and you are just so dang funnay.

Oh Kurt, shut up, everyone knows you are the Snarker. You are Kontentious, and rude, and snotty, and hate everyone.

Oh Kim, shut up, everyone knows you are the Snarker. You are...um...you are...errrrrm...OK, its pretty obvious you aren\'t the Snarker, since the Snarker uses more than one word for subjects and more than two or three sentences in their posts.

Allison, we are so upset you think we are a jerk. But, that is kind of the point of the SnarkerNacle. Maybe if we snarked you and drive more traffic to your site then you would like us better? No? Well, we will try not to cry too much.

1/18/2006 09:34:00 AM  
Blogger Aimee "Roo" said...

You know, a lot of mormon women blog... there are more than you think. We just don't get qualified as being part of the bloggernacle because we aren't talking about being mormon. If the bloggernacle actually included any blog by a member you might find women out numbering the men. ;)

1/18/2006 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

"Allison, we are so upset you think we are a jerk. But, that is kind of the point of the SnarkerNacle."

Wow, even MORE proof positive that Snarker is a male.

Roo, that's a good point. It would be interesting to know how many Mormon women and mothers were blogging, but who aren't specifically identified with the Bloggernacle. I think they deserve even more credit for making their blogs work, because they don't have the same kind of built in network. A new Mormon blog just has to get a good link from the big ones, get their line on the LDS blog roll, and there you go--instant readership. That doesn't mean you can keep a readership, but I imagine that it makes it easier for Mormon women to get the courage to blog when they know they have those ties. Woman who don't have those ties and still wade into the blogging waters--well, my hat is off to you.

1/18/2006 12:44:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

FYI-

Snarker, "Shut-up" is a bad word at my house. And since you're here, please abide by the house rules. Stretch your imagination, and try to be witty without using playground talk.

1/18/2006 12:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, by all means, lets here more about them clavs.

Zorg, Blog Dean

1/18/2006 01:26:00 PM  
Blogger Christian Y. Cardall said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/18/2006 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger Christian Y. Cardall said...

Yikes, I guess I stepped in it. Let me explain myself.

My reference to Kaimi was meant as good-natured teasing, and not at all as a mean-spirited slam. My apologies if it came across that way. Kaimi, as a Bloggernacle powerbroker, attention of this sort is bound to come your way.

I don't have any particular beef with Snarkernackle. I enjoy it as an occasional lighthearted guilty pleasure. I even submitted an "anonymous tip" once.

I don't have any bad feelings about the Banner being unmasked. The chase at the end was fun. We were soon going to reveal ourselves anyway, and I see now that it was not a good idea to ever pretend it was real in the first place.

My reasons for suspecting Kurt are:

(1) Similarity in temperment. Both Kurt and Snarker are intelligent, quick-witted and sharp-tongued. They like to ruffle feathers rather than smooth them, preferring confrontation over smooth interpersonal communications.

(2) Some idiosyncratic misspellings shared by Kurt and Snarker, such as "rediculous" and "-nackle". ("-nacle" is now used but as of this comment the web address still uses "-nackle.")

(3) The Snarker is obviously a frequent Bloggernacle reader but still strikes me as an "outsider" in terms of not being a well-known producer of "normal" blog posts. Kurt seems to fit this profile.

(4) In a Snarker post shortly after the BoH I was singled out as a potential future target. Remembering Kurt as a frequent and energetic antagonist of Aaron, and in my confession having poked fun at those (like Kurt) who committed spelling errors in the very act of ridiculing Aaron's orthographic blunders, Kurt came to mind as someone who might have felt a little "stung" and therefore have a motive to single me out.

Obviously there are other confrontational types, occasional misspellers, outsiders, and people who tangled with Aaron, but based on my personal interactions Kurt seemed like the one most likely to single me out like that. Kurt, if I'm wrong, my apologies.

1/18/2006 02:33:00 PM  
Blogger Christian Y. Cardall said...

Here is the Snarker post singling me out as a potential future target.

1/18/2006 02:36:00 PM  
Blogger Sarebear said...

What about, Dumb and Dumber?

Some days, that's how I think of em. Since they can't cooperate on finding a bra size that fits.

Lol!

Odd and Odder?

Manic & Depressive? Hee!

1/18/2006 06:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Kurt said...

Christian,

Apology accepted.

1/19/2006 07:10:00 AM  
Anonymous danithew said...

I don't think Kurt is the Snarker.

1/19/2006 08:12:00 AM  
Blogger Tigersue said...

Isn't it funny how a battle can be brought into a comments section that really has nothing to do with the topic at hand?

1/19/2006 06:14:00 PM  
Blogger Abby said...

Heather- if you want full boob coverage Shade has free shipping through Feb.

1/19/2006 10:04:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Abby-

Does Shade make bras? I was finally given one of your awesome shirts, and I LOVE it. And free shipping--I guess I have to check you guys out!

1/19/2006 10:27:00 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Abby, if you have any say at all over there about it, can you please please tell the Shade folks I've been waiting for the maternity shirts to go from "Coming soon!" to "Order Now!"

I've been having a hard time finding cute maternity clothes that aren't too low-cut, transparent or sleeveless (it's still short-sleeve weather around here), and the problem will only get worse by the summer, when I'll be large.

1/20/2006 08:48:00 AM  
Blogger Tigersue said...

Allison,
Motherhood Maternity, has some really nice Microfiber cami's, that fit nicely. I needed to use them because like you said it is so hard to find clothes that cover you up properly.

1/20/2006 12:39:00 PM  

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