New House Cleaning Tip

Lose your keys. Search for them for an hour. Get frustrated with the lack of progress of finding keys, knowing you are missing your child's open house for school. Start throwing everything away in a mad fit of cleaning frenzy like the desperate women that you are because you think the stray envelopes on your counter and the messy books on your shelves might be harboring your keys. Call DH and swear at him for stealing your keys. Refuse to believe that your keys are not, in fact, in his work bag. Swear under your breath as you hang up on a completely unhelpful and largely uninterested husband. Clean some more, because hey, the keys might be under the dust on the computer table. Pick up every toy in the playroom because you think your child might have stashed the &&*!!&@# keys somewhere. Pick up every cushion on every piece of furniture you own in the house, and, not finding the keys, throw away all of the good stuff you did find. Then wash your hands. Give up when you realize there are only 15 more minutes left in the 2 hour Open House, and you totally missed it and your child's teacher is going to think you are a total flake when you tell her, "Um, sorry I missed the event. I, uh, couldn't find the keys to my car," and she will never allow you to help in the classroom because what kind of idiot woman searches for her keys for OVER AN HOUR and still can't find them? But hey, at least she can say, "Wow, clean house."


Anonymous Mark IV said...

Heather O.,

Are you related to my wife? It sounds like it. After the last lost key melodrama, I went to the hardware store and had ten (10) sets of keys made for her car. I gave her nine sets and kept a set which I hid on my side of the closet. Sure enough, a few months later she called and said she couldn't find a single one of her nine sets of keys. And somehow it was my fault, lol.

9/08/2006 04:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Nate Oman said...

A marital phone conversation:

Wife: I've lost my keys.

Husband: Yikes. Where have you looked?

Wife: Everywhere!! Do you have them.

Husband (who has his own truck and virtually never drives wife's car): No.


Husband: (Making sound like he is looking in gym bag): They're not in my bag!

Wife: Why don't you come home right now?!?

Husband: Um...it's 3:30...I've got class prep that I am doing...

Wife: FINE! (Slamming down phone)

Husband (to self): Me at work at 3 o'clock in the afternoon?!?! Outrageous!

9/08/2006 05:58:00 PM  
Anonymous tracy m said...


9/08/2006 06:04:00 PM  
Blogger jamisue said...

I've sooooooo been there and done that!!! Only our usual suspect is Princess O who knows how to really stash the goods. Last week, the keys to DH's police car were missing . . . found them 24 hours (and lots of explanations to the Chief) later in Princess O's doll bed, under the pillow. Explain that one!

9/08/2006 07:15:00 PM  
Blogger Chrissie said...

This post made me HOWL! And Nate's comment made me howl too.

And I can't believe Mark's wife lost NINE sets of keys! NINE!!! Man alive!

9/08/2006 07:17:00 PM  
Blogger The Wiz said...


She was just putting the keys to bed! Good mommy!

Nate - LOL!

9/08/2006 07:45:00 PM  
Anonymous eechupa said...

I'm the key finder in my house, and my honey the key loser. I just do my magic "think like a 2 year old" and there they are. Then I say, "you didn't leave them where the kids could reach them did you?" He hates that line.
He can't even always blame it on the kids. I rescued him at work today - again. . . .locked keys in the car.
I'm the one who keeps a spare for him hidden in my closet. Oh, and I'm down to one key for my car. Where did the others go? hmmmm. . . He's still blamming the kids.

9/08/2006 08:10:00 PM  
Blogger Bek said...

AFter many, many things like this I have started leaving them on the seat of my car. I have a garage and I figure if someone wants to steal my 15 year old car...more power to them. I can honestly say that this has made my mornings much, much easier! :-)

As for the husband thing...early in our marriage my husband and I shared a car. One winter he was in a trip to Europe for two weeks for work. The first day he was gone I searched and searched and searched for my keys. I was going crazy and when I finally called to tell him about it he sheepishly told me that he found my set of keys in his bag....right next to HIS set of keys. They were our only copies...so I made him FedEx them from France. :-) Sometimes it does work the other way...

Needless to say we then made a million more sets of keys and have them stashed everywhere. :-)

9/08/2006 09:15:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

9:52 pm. Still can't find the keys. J said, "We'll never be able to drive our red car ever agAIN!" and burst into tears at about 7:00. Stupid keys.

9/08/2006 09:56:00 PM  
Blogger kanga5 said...

I read but I've never posted but I had to because I too lost my keys tonight! Went into the grocery for BREAD and RAMEN- that was it- no looking around in and out. The keys were gone! Did 3 more trips on the same path with my 3 boys- age 5 and under. Did 3 searches of my purse- including the hole in the side. Called my DH to stop on his way home from work to pick us up and wondered how we could lose his WEDDING ring AND our ONLY set of keys in 2 days! Some people from the neighborhood said hello and asked how I was so I told them. How terrible! they said. While we talked about my misfortune I did another search of my purse just for kicks. Went into the hole on the side AGAIN and dug a little deeper- KEYS!! I felt rather sheepish. My five year old- "I told you it wasn't the money jingling in your purse Mom!" We're going tomorrow to see if we can get a copy of the key. Thanks for letting me share my lost key story. You all have a really fun blog here!!

9/09/2006 12:40:00 AM  
Anonymous john b said...

Did you pray to find them? :)

9/09/2006 01:54:00 AM  
Blogger Brony said...

I am continually loosing my keys. Isn't that what they are for?

I also always lose my sunglasses.

It was a very enjoyable read.

9/09/2006 03:13:00 AM  
Anonymous meems said...

Have you found your keys yet?

And yes, I've cleaned my house the exact same way bedfore. The only difference is, I'd have been so desperate at the one hour mark, that's when I would've called a cab to take me to school!

I have an extra set of my classroom work keys on my husbands key ring. I'm always having to use them. We work in the same place, and it's usually when we're getting out of the car in the morning at work, when I yell out, oh NO!! I don't have my keys!!!!!!!

9/09/2006 06:04:00 AM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

John B

Yes, I've prayed. J's prayed. My MIL has prayed. Still no luck. My faith is clearly not sufficient. DH left this morning to go to the Honda dealership to buy us some more keys, just because a 2 day search is driving us all batty. Stupid keys.

9/09/2006 12:30:00 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

They should seriously have a paging device on keys like they do with phones! I lost my keys (the ones to EVERYTHING) a while back and have NEVER been able to find them again! We've since moved!

Watch, as soon as you bring the new keys home you'll find your old ones! Never fails! Good luck! This was hilarious!

9/09/2006 03:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found this blog but have to contribute my all time best lost key story. A couple weeks ago, I got up at 2 a.m. to make sure the car was packed and ready to go at 5 a.m. so I could drive about four hours from Seattle to North Vancouver British Columbia. Yup. All ready to go and NO CAR KEYS. I had to be on a 9:30 a.m. ferry and COULD NOT leave later than 5 a.m. --I was packed up for a week's volunteer work party and SO looking forward to going. I prayed as I searched...and searched...and searched. I KNEW they must've fallen inside something so I went to the car and tore my bags apart after I'd looked "everywhere" else. I kept a good attitude and prayed "O.K., Lord, You have important things for me to do here. I accept that." When I knew it was absolutely too late to make the ferry anyway, I took a friend's advice and went about my usual routine which included emptying the dishwasher. Guess what?? KEYS IN THE DISHWASHER! Yes, wet keys in the DISHWASHER! It was after 6 a.m. when I ran to the car to see if they would work. The car started so I decided to just go for it. I made it over the Canadian border to the ferry with one half hour to spare! I had a fabulous week...even if the wet keys scared me a little when the locks clicked on and off occasionally at random.

If you want to see why I was so motivated to travel, check out Malibu BC Canada!! It's only accessible by sea plane or boat and it's incredibly gorgeous!!

Michal Ann (Lake Forest Park WA)
immichal AT yahoo

I'm so thankful for my miracle.

10/19/2009 03:54:00 AM  
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