Tar and feathering, MMW style

I can't take credit for this story. Besides, if this had really happened to me, I'm sure I wouldn't have gone to "get the camera". No way would I have handled it so well. Anyway, this story is about a former American Mother of the Year. I know, the very title makes you want to hit her, but stay with me, here. She was initally nominated by her chapter in Maine to be Mother of the Year because she had founded the chapter originally. Of course, she started it because she was freaking out with her 6 kids, they didn't have Mommy blogs back then, and she was in serious need of mommy bonding. Anyway, she won Maine's Mother of the Year award because, well, hers was the only chapter! That meant she got to go on to Atlanta for the national competition, and well, between having 6 kids, being a SAHM, and serving as a Relief Society President, she basically blew the competition away, just by virture of being a Mormon mommy. I guess when you think about it, we are all pretty awesome. Anyway, she becomes one of the finalists, which involves giving a 10 minute presentation about her life as a mom. She decides to focus on some humor in her life, and tells some good stories. With 6 kids, she's got plenty of them. This one, the one that was told to me, was what they called "Mormon Tar and Feathering." Ok, so this mom was on the phone, and she hears some giggling from the basement. She goes down to investigate, and she finds that her 6 year old and 4 year old have gotten into the Costco-sized food-storage mongo jar of peanut butter(again, something else that probably blew her competition away. Seriously, who else besides Mormons have peanut butter in their basement?), and have completely covered themselves with it. Head to toe, they are like Jolly Green Giants, except in this case I would have to call them Jolly Jiffy Juniors. She decides to laugh, and says, "I'm going to get the camera. Stay there." While she's getting her camera, her two little grease monkeys find another common Mormon food storage item--wheat. And we know how much little kids like to throw things at each other. It doesn't take much to imagine what this mother found when she returned with her camera, does it. No wonder she won America's Mother of the Year. Anybody who has to clean up wheat encrusted peanut butter bodies deserves a freakin' medal. Seriously. And again, who else besides a Mormon mommy has wheat in her basement? Hmmm...PBJ anyone? One more story about this woman. Her 5 year old had a meltdown in the mall, so she picked the child up, secured her football style, and was marching out of the mall when the sweet child began screaming, "HELP! HELP! She's not my mother, HELP!" In this case, there was a mall security guard who heard the screaming and approached the mother. "Excuse me, ma'am, what's going on here? Is this your child?" She looked at the guard and said, "Yes, she is, but you know what? Here, you can have her." And she handed the 5 year old to the security guard and walked out the door. Ah, yes. Mother of the year, indeed. Here at MMW, we salute you.