Wow, never had to do that before

I went over to a friend's house this morning, and her 5 year old daughter was home from school. She had a nasty tumble down hardwood floor stairs, and her mom was keeping her home to monitor her for a day. Usually Jacob is with me when I go over there, so the two kids run off and play, and we don't hear much from them until I drag him screaming from the playroom, as he insists that he never wants to leave because he's never had so much fun in his life EVER! (Yeah, I don't know where he gets his need for such DRAMA!) Anyway, today Jacob was at preschool, and so I got a healthy dose of 5 year old conversation. I like 5 year old conversation--it's like 4 year old conversation, with a little more, "Um...", a little more thinking expressions, and some ironic laughter. That, and an entire list of every child in her class. Then she said something that really, frankly, grossed me out. I didn't think that was humanely possible, really, given 4 years of motherhood and 6 years working in a healthcare field where my job consists mostly of watching old people eat. But, this is what she said. "Yeah, I was sick, so I took a bath, and then, um, I just had to, um (pulling, twirling hair, mashing it to her cheeks and putting it in her mouth, chewing on it, taking it out again), well, I was in the bath, and then I just barfed IN THE BATHTUB!" (Ironic, breathy laughter). Seriously. Ewwww. I looked at my friend, and she closed her eyes and nodded, as if the memory pained her. Now, don't get me wrong. I've dealt with plenty of vomit, both my own and other people's. But never have I had to clean out a full bathtub of water after a small child completely tossed her cookies. Well, crackers and cheese and some water and um, some crackers, with a little bit of gingerale she drank through a straw, to be exact. (Her mother tried to spare me the details, but really, is it possible to stop a 5 year old once she's on a roll?) Mothers, once again, my hat is off to us. The strong, the proud, and the seriously grotey. Kids should come with noseplugs. And Scotchguard. And some tranquilizer guns. Yeah, those would come in handy, too.


Blogger Ian said...

Groty is a word I have not heard in a long time.

Hats off to you mothers for being able to handle this stuff.

3/02/2006 07:31:00 PM  
Blogger TftCarrie said...

If you think that's bad, check out this. God bless us, everyone!

3/02/2006 09:01:00 PM  
Blogger Deborah said...

One of my most vivid memories from early childhood (3? 4?)is throwing up all over the couch. I remember feeling sick and scared. But then I can see my mother calmly cleaning me up and taking me to bed -- and the memory shifts from fear to comfort. I should call and thank her for that :)

3/02/2006 09:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Kim Siever said...

Speaking of vomit, you should check out our experience from this past summer. Unfortunately, that post doesn't capture the entire three-day pukefest. It leaves out puking at the science centre, the temple, in the van, and at my grandma's house.

3/02/2006 09:25:00 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

The sad thing is it sometimes doesn't end when the kids grow up. When I was home last Christmas, I contracted a horrid virus--The Norwalk--and couldn't stop throwing up. I thought a bath would appease me...until I didn't quite make it to the toilet in time. Poor Dad graciously followed up my little bath experience with a bleach bottle....

3/02/2006 09:44:00 PM  
Anonymous mimi said...

I always say you know your a mother when you'll catch vomit in your hands to save the carpet.

Too many bodily fluid stories to count but top two...
1. Vomit from the top bunk (Don't worry Mom, I didn't get any on my bed!") A full Christmas days food fest including un-chewed Christmas goose.
2. Diarrhea in the footy pajamas

It's a good thing they're cute.

3/02/2006 10:47:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

Oh, vomit stories! Pick me, pick me!!

Seriously, where do I get a tranquilizer gun? That would solve a lot of problems...;)

3/02/2006 10:57:00 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

Okay, here's my puke story. When I was 11 I had a big four poster bed with red satin sheets (where these sheets came from is still a bit unclear). My sister who was 5, apparently ill, came into my bed in the middle of the night, then projectile vommited all over my head, waking me from unfettered sleep. The vomit was so strong it took the red out of my pillowcase! Aside from the gross factor of being awakened realizing you are covered in someone else's barf, the thing I tease her about to this day is that her bodily fluids can take the color out of 30 year old sheets.

3/02/2006 11:55:00 PM  
Blogger Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

A long time ago, hubby and I started telling the story of the gun with the fork in it that we would shoot our eyes out with... it rears its ugly head whenever something unbelievably frustrating happens, or if there's a terrible task coming up that we don't want to face (like cleaning up kid or cat yuk). "So there's this gun, and it has a fork in it..."

Something else parents should keep around when all else fails.

3/02/2006 11:57:00 PM  
Blogger Ana said...

My real dream is that someone will invent a bathroom where you can just flush the whole dang thing. Shut the door press the lever, WHOOSH! Wouldn't that be useful? I know, probably not very water wise. Sigh --

3/03/2006 12:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Kim Siever said...


There was one like that on my mission. It was nothing more than a shower stall with a sink and toilet.

3/03/2006 12:47:00 AM  
Blogger FluffyChicky said...

I've had my kids puke on me lots of times...too many to count. Its nasty and gross to clean up, but I think the worst mess I have ever had to deal with was when both of my children were swimming in the pool with their little swimmer diapers and they had diarrhea at the SAME TIME. I will say that those stupid swimming diapers are NOT equipped to handle a situation like that. NASTY!! I still have nightmares about that clean up job.

3/03/2006 10:50:00 AM  
Blogger Tri Mama said...

I just dealt with my two rounds of the stomach flu for the first time with my 2 little boys and I have to say that I feel like a veteran now. When the disgusting madness started I seriously ached for my own mom to be around. I cannot stand the smell(i used to work as a camp counselor and would run if I saw a kid starting to get sick), but there was not help around and now I am carrying hand sanitizer with me everywhere. My oldest thought it was so amazing, he kept telling everyone "my throat got so big and I just throwed up." Best to all who are having to deal with vomit.

3/03/2006 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Mommyhood is sometimes JUST SO GROSS!

Tracy, I actually was thinking of you while I was writing this post. Most of the stuff that you have described has happened to me, and it's beyond gross, but seriously, I have never had to clean vomit from a bathtub. A pool, a shower, my own nostrils, yes. A bathtub? No. And yet, I had really thought I had had every vomit problem imaginable. Have you had to do the bathtub thing?

3/03/2006 11:59:00 AM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

And Ian-

Grotey is an awesome word. It definitely deserves a come back, especially if phrases like "smell you later" are getting any kind of status!

3/03/2006 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

My Daughter vomited from the top bunk all over her american girl doll stuff. (for those unaware, these things don't come cheep) You know you're a mom when you hand wash doll clothes to get all the barf out. yuck!

3/03/2006 12:56:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

Yup, been there with the tub, and it ranks with the gross out factor, to be sure.

I wish I didn't know as much about vomit as I do. Seriously. I will not EVEN get into my barf stories, or we will have a barf-o-rama a-la Steven King around here. Suffice it to say, Jeffrey started projectile vomiting at about 4 weeks, and we are still combatting (better now) it at 4 1/2 years. There is nowhere I havn't cleaned up vomit from, including digging chunks from the little holes of Lego bricks with a toothpick. Oh yeah.

I have a cousing who made a deal with her husband before the birth of their first: She would take care of ALL the poops, but he had barf detail. For life. Man, I wish I had made that deal!

My husband did come up with a nifty method for the barf-carpet combo. You use a dust pan and a spatula or dough scraper, and it gets a lot up, without smushing it into the carpet fibers. Although even with this method, we have had to replace the carpeting in the entire house. Oh well.

Viva motherhood!

3/03/2006 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

One year when I had finally decided to potty train #1, my one year old #2 decided to get the stomach flu at the same time.

I was cleaning pee and poop off #1 and then throw-up and diarrhea off #2 for about 4 days...a constant plethora of poop.

And I was 2 months pregnant with #3...


3/04/2006 08:52:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home