Wow, never had to do that before
I went over to a friend's house this morning, and her 5 year old daughter was home from school. She had a nasty tumble down hardwood floor stairs, and her mom was keeping her home to monitor her for a day. Usually Jacob is with me when I go over there, so the two kids run off and play, and we don't hear much from them until I drag him screaming from the playroom, as he insists that he never wants to leave because he's never had so much fun in his life EVER! (Yeah, I don't know where he gets his need for such DRAMA!)
Anyway, today Jacob was at preschool, and so I got a healthy dose of 5 year old conversation. I like 5 year old conversation--it's like 4 year old conversation, with a little more, "Um...", a little more thinking expressions, and some ironic laughter. That, and an entire list of every child in her class.
Then she said something that really, frankly, grossed me out. I didn't think that was humanely possible, really, given 4 years of motherhood and 6 years working in a healthcare field where my job consists mostly of watching old people eat.
But, this is what she said.
"Yeah, I was sick, so I took a bath, and then, um, I just had to, um (pulling, twirling hair, mashing it to her cheeks and putting it in her mouth, chewing on it, taking it out again), well, I was in the bath, and then I just barfed IN THE BATHTUB!" (Ironic, breathy laughter).
Seriously. Ewwww.
I looked at my friend, and she closed her eyes and nodded, as if the memory pained her.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've dealt with plenty of vomit, both my own and other people's. But never have I had to clean out a full bathtub of water after a small child completely tossed her cookies. Well, crackers and cheese and some water and um, some crackers, with a little bit of gingerale she drank through a straw, to be exact. (Her mother tried to spare me the details, but really, is it possible to stop a 5 year old once she's on a roll?)
Mothers, once again, my hat is off to us. The strong, the proud, and the seriously grotey. Kids should come with noseplugs. And Scotchguard. And some tranquilizer guns. Yeah, those would come in handy, too.
posted by Heather O. at 3/02/2006 06:38:00 PM
14 Comments:
Groty is a word I have not heard in a long time.
Hats off to you mothers for being able to handle this stuff.
If you think that's bad, check out this. God bless us, everyone!
Speaking of vomit, you should check out our experience from this past summer. Unfortunately, that post doesn't capture the entire three-day pukefest. It leaves out puking at the science centre, the temple, in the van, and at my grandma's house.
The sad thing is it sometimes doesn't end when the kids grow up. When I was home last Christmas, I contracted a horrid virus--The Norwalk--and couldn't stop throwing up. I thought a bath would appease me...until I didn't quite make it to the toilet in time. Poor Dad graciously followed up my little bath experience with a bleach bottle....
I always say you know your a mother when you'll catch vomit in your hands to save the carpet.
Too many bodily fluid stories to count but top two...
1. Vomit from the top bunk (Don't worry Mom, I didn't get any on my bed!") A full Christmas days food fest including un-chewed Christmas goose.
2. Diarrhea in the footy pajamas
It's a good thing they're cute.
Okay, here's my puke story. When I was 11 I had a big four poster bed with red satin sheets (where these sheets came from is still a bit unclear). My sister who was 5, apparently ill, came into my bed in the middle of the night, then projectile vommited all over my head, waking me from unfettered sleep. The vomit was so strong it took the red out of my pillowcase! Aside from the gross factor of being awakened realizing you are covered in someone else's barf, the thing I tease her about to this day is that her bodily fluids can take the color out of 30 year old sheets.
A long time ago, hubby and I started telling the story of the gun with the fork in it that we would shoot our eyes out with... it rears its ugly head whenever something unbelievably frustrating happens, or if there's a terrible task coming up that we don't want to face (like cleaning up kid or cat yuk). "So there's this gun, and it has a fork in it..."
Something else parents should keep around when all else fails.
My real dream is that someone will invent a bathroom where you can just flush the whole dang thing. Shut the door press the lever, WHOOSH! Wouldn't that be useful? I know, probably not very water wise. Sigh --
Ana,
There was one like that on my mission. It was nothing more than a shower stall with a sink and toilet.
I've had my kids puke on me lots of times...too many to count. Its nasty and gross to clean up, but I think the worst mess I have ever had to deal with was when both of my children were swimming in the pool with their little swimmer diapers and they had diarrhea at the SAME TIME. I will say that those stupid swimming diapers are NOT equipped to handle a situation like that. NASTY!! I still have nightmares about that clean up job.
Mommyhood is sometimes JUST SO GROSS!
Tracy, I actually was thinking of you while I was writing this post. Most of the stuff that you have described has happened to me, and it's beyond gross, but seriously, I have never had to clean vomit from a bathtub. A pool, a shower, my own nostrils, yes. A bathtub? No. And yet, I had really thought I had had every vomit problem imaginable. Have you had to do the bathtub thing?
And Ian-
Grotey is an awesome word. It definitely deserves a come back, especially if phrases like "smell you later" are getting any kind of status!
My Daughter vomited from the top bunk all over her american girl doll stuff. (for those unaware, these things don't come cheep) You know you're a mom when you hand wash doll clothes to get all the barf out. yuck!
One year when I had finally decided to potty train #1, my one year old #2 decided to get the stomach flu at the same time.
I was cleaning pee and poop off #1 and then throw-up and diarrhea off #2 for about 4 days...a constant plethora of poop.
And I was 2 months pregnant with #3...
YUCK.
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