Wow, never had to do that before
I went over to a friend's house this morning, and her 5 year old daughter was home from school. She had a nasty tumble down hardwood floor stairs, and her mom was keeping her home to monitor her for a day. Usually Jacob is with me when I go over there, so the two kids run off and play, and we don't hear much from them until I drag him screaming from the playroom, as he insists that he never wants to leave because he's never had so much fun in his life EVER! (Yeah, I don't know where he gets his need for such DRAMA!) Anyway, today Jacob was at preschool, and so I got a healthy dose of 5 year old conversation. I like 5 year old conversation--it's like 4 year old conversation, with a little more, "Um...", a little more thinking expressions, and some ironic laughter. That, and an entire list of every child in her class. Then she said something that really, frankly, grossed me out. I didn't think that was humanely possible, really, given 4 years of motherhood and 6 years working in a healthcare field where my job consists mostly of watching old people eat. But, this is what she said. "Yeah, I was sick, so I took a bath, and then, um, I just had to, um (pulling, twirling hair, mashing it to her cheeks and putting it in her mouth, chewing on it, taking it out again), well, I was in the bath, and then I just barfed IN THE BATHTUB!" (Ironic, breathy laughter). Seriously. Ewwww. I looked at my friend, and she closed her eyes and nodded, as if the memory pained her. Now, don't get me wrong. I've dealt with plenty of vomit, both my own and other people's. But never have I had to clean out a full bathtub of water after a small child completely tossed her cookies. Well, crackers and cheese and some water and um, some crackers, with a little bit of gingerale she drank through a straw, to be exact. (Her mother tried to spare me the details, but really, is it possible to stop a 5 year old once she's on a roll?) Mothers, once again, my hat is off to us. The strong, the proud, and the seriously grotey. Kids should come with noseplugs. And Scotchguard. And some tranquilizer guns. Yeah, those would come in handy, too.