2/06/2006

5 Lawyers and a mom

DH and I went out to dinner the other night. I know, wonder of wonders, but we managed it. We went to dinner with 2 other couples who are loosely connected with DH's work, and we didn't know them very well. Actually, I didn't know them at all, and DH had met them all only briefly in the past. It was a "get to know you" kind of meal, which is always a bit of a crap shoot, if you ask me. I mean, what if you get to know each other and find out right away that you have nothing in common, and actually can't stand each other? That kind of stuff makes you feel like dessert is a long time coming. In this case, everybody was fairly pleasant and easygoing, but I did discover something very rapidly: I was the only non lawyer at the table. Now, when you are married to a lawyer, this happens, unfortunately, quite frequently. I'm usually the only nonlawyer at these kinds of things, as well as the only mom. However, the other night, this was not the case. The other 2 women were mothers too, but worked, full time, as lawyers. So, when the inevitable question came, the "And what do you do, Heather?", this time put to me by a new mom who had just gone off about how hard it is to find good day care, I coudn't do it. I couldn't look her in the eye and say, "I'm a stay at home mom". I knew the minute I did, it would shut down all conversation, all relationship building, all pretense of easy going-ness, and tension would fill the room. So I just said, "I'm a speech therapist". There was the obligatory, "Oh, that's interesting," the pause as she tried to figure out what that meant, the smile, and the change of subject when she decided she didn't know what it meant and didn't really care to invest the conversational energy to find out. And that was fine--I was more willing to take the indifference I knew was coming rather than the coating of ice I knew would cover the rest of evening if I revealed the truth. Interestingly, when I have been in this situation at a table dominated by men or older career women, I don't have a problem saying, "I'm a mom who works perdiem as a speech therapist", or "I'm at home with my son, and work occasionally." Somehow, when a man asks me what I do, I feel proud to say that I'm a mom. I know that he doesn't feel threatened by what I do, and the conversation can still continue on amicable terms. But the other night, when asked by a woman my age who works VERY full time with a 2 year old in day care because the nanny just didn't work out, I had a harder time telling her about my life in the same terms, just because I knew (or imagined) that she would feel threatened, and the conversation and relationship would then progress on a less amicable level. I could be, perhaps, reading into the situation far more than was really there. When it comes down to it, she may not have cared about me enough at all to feel threatened by anything about me, much less threatened by who takes care of my kid. But I still felt that I couldn't tell her that I am, for the most part, a SAHM. Sad, but true. Anybody else have similar experiences? Anyody else feel the differences between talking to men about Stay-At-Home momhood vs. women? Dessert, by the way, was delicious. Chocoloate creme broulee(sp?), a.k.a death by chocolate. Yum!

30 Comments:

Blogger HLH said...

Heather I think most SAHM mom's have similiar expereinces. My mother is a strong proponent of women working outside the home. She is an academic and hangs with that crowd. I honestly feel that sometimes when my mother introduces me to her friends she is embarrased to say that all I do is stay at home with my kids.

Oh well...It is hard sometimes not to work outside of my home, but I remind myself that when my kids are in school I will work again, but that the time I invest in them now will be way more lasting and satisfying than any amount of money or praise or prestige I could find in the work force. (I have big problems with comma splicing...).

Thanks for sharing.

2/06/2006 05:10:00 PM  
Blogger Em said...

I'm about to have my 1st (child), currently work full time, and will be moving across the country during my maternity leave (due to DH,so I couldn't stay at current job even if I wanted to) ... and everybody keeps asking, "So what are you going to do after the baby is born?"...

What do you THINK I'm going to do?! I'm going to learn how to be a mommy, thank you very much! It sounds like a hecka-handful to me. I think there is definitely WAY more pressure from women than from men to do/be something besides SAHM. "You're not going to shrink into the shadow of that black hole called your own home and cease to promote the concourses of women who are out to prove that women can do everything men do, only better... are you?"

Well, at least that's what it feels like... I feel sorry for men. We aren't leaving them any role to call their own - - it's no wonder they are kinder and accepting of a woman who chooses to stay at home and raise her kids herself...

Just my thoughts.... maybe not coherent, but I try.

2/06/2006 05:27:00 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

I have two thoughts....first, I agree that it is sometimes difficult to talk to other women about being a SAHM. But I also think it doesn't necessarily have much to do with being a SAHM. I think women are just a woman's worst enemy sometimes.

We were on fertility drugs for about 14 months, and one day a woman that I went to high school with moved into our ward. She asked me what I'd been up to and I said oh just finishing school and working since I'd returned from my mission. I asked her the same question in return and she said "Well I have three kids, so that pretty much occupies my time- you know no vacation, weekends, or benefits" I was really taken aback by this comment because I was working fulltime and spent my lunch hour in the fertility clinic! Anyone who's been there knows that isn't a terribly enjoyable lunch.

Now, since my son was born in October, I went back to visit some friends at work, and one of my female coworkers says, "So, do you just hang out all day?" Again, I was seriously disappointed in my gender, and wanted to scream and tell her the truth. But of course I didn't and allowed her to continue in her ignorant view of SAHM's...ie-sitting on the couch eating tubs of frosting and watching Judge Judy.

So my feeling is that women in general (as sad as it is to say) just don't take the time to understand what other women are going through, and obviously, I think some of us (me) aren't as open in letting people know what is really going on.

2/06/2006 05:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Allison said...

I've been in the situation you described more times than I can count. Most of the time, the lawyers, men and women, parents and non-parents, are down-to-earth enough that I feel comfortable and have a good time. I'm not shy, and usually have no problem talking to people I barely know at dinner.

Sometimes, though, it can suck. Small talk with people who don't get what I do can suck. The men who don't get it I can deal with; they most often are kind of awed that I chose to stay home with my kids -- my three, almost four kids!! (they're always commenting on the number,and seem to think we're extremely brave, if a bit scary). But I loathe trying to make small talk with patronizing women who sneer and seem to judge everything from my mom-figure (ahem) to my life choices. Of course, they may be thinking that I'm judging them, too (and I admit it's hard not too when all they seem to want to talk about is their great personal shopper at Neiman's and how fattening the food at dinner is). But it's sad and extremely uncomfortable.

2/06/2006 05:55:00 PM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

"ie-sitting on the couch eating tubs of frosting and watching Judge Judy. "

Well, I know that's what I do all day. You mean you don't?

I've gotten over it. I'll tell anyone anytime that I stay home. True, sometimes the conversation just ends there, with a glassy stare, or a "huh". But I've really stopped caring. I used to care immensely. I used to tell people I was a student first and then say I was also a mom. Then I graduated, and everybody wanted to know what I was going to "do" with my degree. "Have one."

I have found that for me, it takes up way too much emotional energy to care what people think about my sah status. If it makes things uncomfortable, their problem, not mine. Also, I have found that if I don't squirm, look down, or say I'm "just" a mom, people respect my statement better. If they don't, again, takes up way too much energy to care. Bring on the dessert.

2/06/2006 06:09:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

You better believe I've been there! And how uncomfortable is that icy silence? Yeah, maybe I read too much into it, but I know enough about being a mom, that no matter who you are and how powerful your career is, you got guilt. Gulit just comes with the placenta delivery- nothing you can do about it.

Having been on both sides of this dilema is interesting too. I had the high-power career, but deep inside, I KNEW I needed to be at home with my kids, and I think almost all career women know it too. That may not be PC or popular to say, and I am sure there are exceptions to that rule, but nonetheless, I believe its true.

Everyone has contributed good things to this, and I thing the Wiz has the right idea, with the Fuhget-Abaout-It attitude. I hope I can get there someday. And, it would be nice if more women were friendlier and less condemning of one another.

2/06/2006 07:18:00 PM  
Blogger Tigersue said...

Jane Clayson, gave a great talk at women's conference at BYU a few years ago. I didn't go to it then, but I heard it rebroadcast on KBYU later, I'm sure it comes on BYUTV sometimes. It is wonderful, and she talks about how we should not be afraid to say that we are MOTHER's that is what we are, everything else is secondary, whether we are working out of the home, working from the home, doing things on the side, or just being a stay home mom, we are mother's and women, and it shouldn't matter if I stay home or work, or if my neighbors stay's home or works. We need to be there for each other and our children and only we know what is best for us and our families. We shouldn't be ashamed of what we do. I have been in both places and I hate to work out of the home. I mean I really HATE it! But I know other women that hate staying home, and need that work out of the home.
Anyway here is the site to listen to Jane's talk, it really is wonderful, I wish I could have found a printed transcript.
http://www.byubroadcasting.org/womensconf/Default.asp?style=print

2/06/2006 07:21:00 PM  
Anonymous wbpraw said...

I always try to say, "I'm at home with my kids," in a confident, matter of fact manner. This will ultimately slow the conversation that comes my way, but as time goes on I can usually worm my way back into a conversation because after all I do, in fact, have a brain (as I know you do too, Heather.) I am always slightly amused when they seem surprised that I can somehow manage to construct a coherent sentence and even occasionally have something interesting and thought-provoking to say. (However, I also seem capable of writing run-on sentences, sorry.) Don't underestimate your ability to stay in a coversation just because others underestimate you. That's my wise proverb for the night. Now I have to go clean up doggy poopy.

2/06/2006 09:42:00 PM  
Blogger Jamie J said...

I think the key here is confidence. I usually try to say with my head held high that I stay home with my daughter. Like the others said, it's their problem. I am proud of my role as my daughter's mother and soooo glad that I can stay home with her. It's sad that others can't be happy for us SAH moms.

2/07/2006 12:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Mary said...

Heather, I think you did just fine. Like one of the previous posters said, women are their own worst enemies. I too have gone out to dinner with my husband's colleuges and their spouses and have been the only mother in the group, or the only stay-at-home-mom there. As introductiosn are made, people always ask me, "And what do you do?" I am so glad I can say, "I'm a mom and it is great." But the first couple of times it was a bit nerve-wracking, especially when it was the women asking the question. From some of them I got the "huh" and others have said, "Oh, I hope I can do that when we have kids" or even "Oh, how nice." I don't feel diminished - we tried for our baby for years, she's an investment and a little wonder! I don't want to miss out!

I do appreciate, though, when people know we have kids and ask, "Do you work outside the home?" It seems more polite for some reason.

2/07/2006 09:05:00 AM  
Blogger nestle said...

The worst is when you have to interact with the condesending attitude on a constant basis. Because I'm a stay at home mother... not to mention a home daycare to 3 other toddlers and a 6 month old.... I have the "time" to do random misc. errands and tasks. HA! And when it doesn't get done because.... well... all mothers know why it doesn't get done.... ahhh the attitude. I finally had to say, "You know what! You only work an 8-10 hour day, how about you do it. I don't have the time."

2/07/2006 10:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Beanie said...

"ie-sitting on the couch eating tubs of frosting and watching Judge Judy. "

I thought that it was eatting Bon-Bons and watching soap operas.

(Oh well, as long as it's eating something chocolate and watching something that provides entertainment!)

2/07/2006 11:14:00 AM  
Blogger Colee said...

I came across this blog the other day and I have really enjoyed it. I have been in the same position as Heather many times and I always feel uncomfortable. I am a SAHM with three girls and don't work outside of the home.
Although I sometimes can feel uncomfortable around women my age who are working moms, there is one group of women that I love to run into. That is little old ladies in the grocery store or wherever I find them. They always seem so glad to see a mother doing what they used to do. I have had many an older women lament to me that she wished she had more grandchildren. Often they want to tell me how many kids they had and that they remember what it is like. I feel like I make their day when they see me. So I guess it is a trade-off. But I will take little old ladies any day.

2/07/2006 01:10:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

It is sad and funny that we feel like what we do is not enough or the best job ever. I find myself in different situations saying different things about my job as SAHM. If I feel I am being judged like "of course she stays home, what else would she do?" I let the person know that I have my degree but I know the most important thing for me to do is raise my kids. But in reality I do not have much of a desire to work even when the kids are all older, I may want to get my masters but I'm not sure past that. I do know that if I was going to work I would have to get myself a wife so all of the stuff I do would still be able to get done!

2/07/2006 01:21:00 PM  
Anonymous dp said...

What about those stay-at-home dads? Everytime I hear of a stay-at-home dad, I get pretty jealous. I enjoy my full-time job and all, but I think I'd really enjoy staying at home with my kids, taking them to school, basketball practice, piano practice, cooking dinner, cleaning, managing the house, etc. How cool is it that those men have a working-wife? If I were in that dinner situation, I'd brag about how awesome my wife is and that I get to stay home and raise our kids. I'd totally BRAG about it. I'd act like a person would be nuts to not want to stay at home with their kids and indoctrinate them with all the wonderful things this world has to offer.

Of course when the kids are older and are at school all day long, I'd probably get pretty bored. I'd probably get all the chores done early, then watch some espn classic programs, some news (maybe Judge Judy) and then I'd play chess and blog until the kids get home from school. Then we'd go play until Mom would home from work ... ahhh daydreaming is fun!

2/07/2006 01:32:00 PM  
Blogger Tri Mama said...

Thanks for the post. I can't tell you how much I relate to everything you said. My husband took me to a retreat with his firm and there were hundreds of lawyers and several social events. Not only was I one of the few non-lawyers, but I am also a law school drop out. The question "what do you do" came up quite often. I decided to do a little social experiement much to my husbands dismay. For some people I would respond I am a SAHM and that would usually get some kind of sappy response and end the conversation. Women would always say, being a SAHM is so much harder than just being an attorney. Men would usually remark what a wonderful choice for you, you must be busy. For others I would tell them that I have my own business and that I am a mom as well (which is true). People would immediately be interested in my business and we would have a lengthy conversation. I must have tested this experiment with dozens of people with both men and women at the retreat and almost every time the Lawyers could relate to my business, but not to me being a mom. My husband even made a comment that landed him in hot water during the experiment, he suggested that I stop saying I am just a SAHM because people can't relate in this environment. PLEASE! Can't relate? We all have mothers and there is no harder job on this earth and nothing that you can do that is more wonderful than raising a happy child. When you have children someone has to take care of them! I don't just sit around and blog all day while eating bon bons. The world needs to slow down and recognize how much value their is in being a SAHM when you have the opportunity.

2/07/2006 02:08:00 PM  
Blogger Lacey said...

I'm a mom and a student, and surprisingly, even with my husband working at a college, I get a lot of support from those he works with about me being a mom, and wanting to stay a mom, even after I get my degree. It was actually one older women from church who said to me "Why don't you do something with you're degree?" Like taking care of children isn't enough?
I'll just be happy to have a degree, and be happy to have a lot more time to spend with them.... or do laundry.

2/07/2006 02:47:00 PM  
Blogger Ana said...

I was a mom at home for 5 years, and I've been a mom not-at-home for about 18 months.

I always made it a point to tell anyone and everyone what I did. I still make it a point to tell everyone when they ask what I did before starting to work for my current employer. I spent five years at home with my children. People usually react by telling me how lucky I am that I could do that. It didn't feel lucky at the time, but now I think it was.

Maybe I'm just ornery and defiant. But sometimes I think fear and meekness actually encourage people to make their misguided judgements. Speak up next time!

2/07/2006 06:10:00 PM  
Anonymous jamisue said...

Heather,

I'm so sorry that you're experiences with lady lawyers lead you to believe that we would be judgmental or condescending when it comes to being a mom! I know for a fact (as do most moms that work) that being a SAHM is WAYYYYYYY more work than what I do daily. But as the lawyer on the other side let me just say that there is a reverse side to this dilema. When it comes to Church culture - I'm the equivalent of the Devil. Given the choice, I'd be a SAHM in a heartbeat, even if it meant downsizing and giving up little luxuries, but DH won't hear of it (he thought he married for money - HA!). I have an equal number of horror stories from church members who say horrible (but I try to assume well meaning) things to me because I work outside the home and am not living to the letter, President Bensen's address to the Mothers in Zion. Top that off with the guilt you feel everytime your 3 year old calls you "teacher" instead of Mommy and you get my gist.

I agree that we of the female gender are way too hard on each other. In fact, its a principle I count on in jury selection. If I have a female victim, I try to pick an all male jury because I know the women will be too hard on the victim. Conversely if I have a female defendant, you know I want an all women jury because they'll be increadibly brutal. Sad but true.

2/07/2006 06:58:00 PM  
Blogger a spectator said...

Most people I tell respect that I am busy as a stay at home mom (although I am also a student and work a few hours, I still FEEL like I am a stay at home mom because my husband can take over when I leave), except, somehow, my RS president. I know she has been in my shoes (sort of) but she still seems to think that it is a simple feat for SAHMs in the branch to prepare food and serve at a funeral or at the missionary zone conference (with baby in arm) or drive someone to an appointment more than an hour away and wait for 3 hours until they are done (during napt time or lunch time or any time). I don't get that.

2/08/2006 10:18:00 AM  
Anonymous claire said...

a spectator: would you prefer not to be asked? Just because you are asked to give compassionate service doesn't mean your RS president thinks it's a "simple feat." Should 'busy moms' be exempted from these sorts of requests to serve? The needs exist, and obviously the RS president can't do all of it herself. I'm in a position to be asking, and I sincerely want to know more about your feelings on this issue (and anyone else's).

2/08/2006 03:25:00 PM  
Blogger Yolanda said...

It's interesting to see how self-esteem can be a huge factor in how one may respond to questions of SAHM vs. Working gals...Some of you say you are a SAHM, then tell all the other things (school, side-jobs, projects, old jobs, etc.) which seem like an attempt to "prove" your value...I have a friend who is one of the most enthusiastic, and confident women I know...and it is refreshing to see her not make any excuses for what she has chosen to do, and how or where to put her energies...Be proud of yourselves either way...whether defending a client, or defending your SAHM title!!

2/08/2006 05:10:00 PM  
Blogger hdc said...

Bravo Jamisue! Thank you for being brave enough to comment on the other side. It is as I thought then. I am a sahm and I actually think it is the easier of the two choices (two of my three are in school now though). Sure there is work involved but it is all very flexible...if I don't want to clean the bathroom today I don't. And then there are times that the pressure is on: kids are arguing, the baby is hungry and needs her diaper changed, dinner is boiling over (the missionaries are coming), the doorbell and the phone are ringing, when is dh going to get here...all at the same time. Life is hard--its hard for the sahm and its hard for the working mom! If we could all focus on the fact that we are moms , thats what we have in common, and maybe that we are all sisters in the gospel... Isn't the goal to lighten one another's burdens? When I ask "what do you do all day?" I'm sincerly wondering what you do...maybe I should be doing more. I have so much fun being a sahm (most of the time) that it doens't feel like work to me.
Women are notorious for not giving themselves enough credit. We are all so afraid that we aren't measuring up that we have to compare ourselves to others to make sure we are.
After I graduated from nursing school (valedictorian of my class!) with grand ideas of how I was going to contribute to the medical world I was taught a very profound lesson by the spirit. I was impressed not to go to work. What?! I was married, my dh made enough money to get by and children weren't coming. Try answering those questions when you don't even have a role to identify yourself by. A lot of soul searching took place. And my father was kind enough to come up with witty come-backs to get me through. And now I feel exactly like Mary--my children, each one of them, were hard won. I feel it is my privilege to be afforded the opportunity to not miss a thing!
A spectator--I know exactly what you are talking about. It is annoying. But I try to assume that she is just not informed of my exact daily schedule. It is very reasonable not to be able to do all of those things all the time due to nap times and baby in tow etc, etc. Don't take it personal though. Do what you can, and sometimes that means stepping out of your comfort zone. And other times that means declining so that your baby can have a good nap and you'll be in a good mood for your husband and the family has a happy healthy mom.
Claire-- Yes you should ask (just not expect). In fact I think that the working moms should not be excluded from the blessing of service either. I am confident there are service opportunities tailor-made for everyone's abilities and limitations. To quote Elder Dallin H Oaks "Service is an imperative for those who worship Jesus Christ." And of course the Savior himself “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Which comes back full circle to the blessings of mothering! (Either sah or working outside the home)

2/09/2006 12:49:00 AM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Jamisue, I love you. Thanks for being such a great mom, even if you are a lawyer (you know how I feel about lawyers ;)).

I think you're right--women are severe to one another, even when we are supposed to be one another's best allies.

Interesting thoughts about jury selection. Remind me again to never commit a crime.

2/09/2006 10:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Susan M said...

You guys are making me happy I married a snowboarder.

2/10/2006 12:15:00 PM  
Blogger ShelahBooksIt said...

That's one of the reasons why I hate, hate, hate to do things with people my husband works with. About half of the guys are married, half of the married ones are married to fellow doctors, and most of the other women work. As a SAHM I feel like a freak.

But, I love being a SAHM (and after 5 1/2 years I can finally, honestly say that I wouldn't want to go back to work, even if I could). Anyway, great post. I totally identify. In social situations like that I feel like I often have to draw on what I "used" to do before I had kids. And it's not like I'm ashamed of what I do, but sometimes I feel like it makes me invisible in social settings where everyone is identified by their title.

2/10/2006 02:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Bachelor's in Babydom, A Master's in Mommydom, a Doctorate in Diapering? Being a SAHM-Priceless!

Being a SAHM mom for the last 13 years has simply been a luxury and rewarding experience. I say a luxury, because it is expensive where we live and we have sacrificed "things" so that I could stay at home. My husband and I have been married for 15 years and during that time, did the typical get married, finish BYU (he did) and then went on to have three children and had hubby do 2 Masters and a Ph.D. while he also worked. We both maintained callings in the church and did the traditional Mormon route of everything all at once. We also, made the choice to have me stay at home and if that was the best decision-it must have been because our children are the sweetest, most well-behaved children...who also excel academically. Am I bragging? Of course! But if you ask others they would observe this in our three kids as well. This is the rewarding part of staying at home. Our children are the proof in the pudding, so to speak.

I have always "worked" in one way or another. In the beginning I worked in the medical field for about eight years and with my first baby worked part of the time, but my husband stayed home during the first year and taught in the evening...so essentially the oldest had both parents at home at differnt times. The second and third had me home entirely, but I still worked managing the aparments we lived in for seven years. This was basically to help with our living expenses while my husband went to school. Was it all fun and roses, no of course not! But it did keep our primary objective of keeping our kids home with us. There was a span of three years, where I did not work at all....and then in this last year, as all of our kids went to school, I took on a friend's baby--primarily to help her out and secondly, because it was hard not to have a baby for me at home. I love staying at home and being with the kids. What I did not find rewarding was cleaning the house for the the upteenth time, laundry etc. Still, I realize I have had the best time of my life seeing my children grow before my eyes. I am often reminded of this as I take care of my friend's little son because I have seen his many "firsts" since he was eight weeks old (he is now 15 months old) and he calls me Mama! What a bittersweet moment that is...he is not even mine, but it constantly reminds me of the importance of staying at home with my own kids...I did not miss out anything and my kids always knew that I was there for them. And they know, now, that they will see me after school....

So, when I go to my DH's academic functions, to (sometimes)a "snoring" party where the most of the excitement in the evening is dealing about latest book on the history of the civil war or the politics on war....the conversation turns to me and the daunting question is what do you do? I proudly say, I stay at home!

Since our youngest is turning six this year, I will be blessed with at least six hours to go back to work (I intend on being home when they get home from school) or go to school or do what ever I want to do, etc. It is a bittersweet moment to not be as needed in that early stage of childrearing, but exhilirating at the same time. In some ways I can have my cake and eat it too!

So, to all those who have had a career at one time, but are now SAHM, kudos goes to you all! It is a bit of a sacrifice, but a noble one at that. Many can go to school, do a career, but to do what we do: well, there is no textbook around that will teach you all the subtle nuances of being a SAHM....Everyday is different, filled with many firsts that one would miss out if you were not home.....Just remember that!

2/12/2006 07:20:00 PM  
Blogger a spectator said...

Claire--yes, ask away. I feel, though, that my RS president only asks the sahms because she knows they have fewer chances to say no rather than asking some working women who actually could work it out (some work part time, others work on certain days, some work in the evenings). It is fewer phone calls for her just to go straight to the SAHMs [I am not just guessing this--I am in the presidency and actually know sho she asks]. Also, she is a dear woman, but tact is not one of her strong points and she fully expects, rather than asks, and that makes it very uncomfortable.

Yolanda--I did not intend to get points for myself by qualifying that I cannot be solely a SAHM. I would love nothing better. It just is not an option at the moment, and sometimes I feel like I am cheating when I label myself sahm. I am mostly a daylight sahm. Someday I hope to be a nighttime one too.

2/12/2006 09:01:00 PM  
Blogger Yolanda said...

A Spectator--PLEASE do not take offense at my comment! That was NOT the intent, and I am sorry if it appeared that way. There are very few times, if any, when ANY of us are just "one" thing!! My main thought was approaching the idea of how self-esteem may, or may not, fit into the whole picture of how we describe ourselves, or view ourselves.

2/14/2006 04:16:00 PM  
Blogger a spectator said...

Yolanda--don't worry, I have 9 siblings I don't hurt easily!

It is true--I think people have a way of putting the part of them forward they sense it most acceptable to the audience (like telling a crowd of employed people about your former job rather than the current one, for which you are not paid). It might be more true to ourselves if we present the part of ourselves that is most important to us to everyone.

I like to think that I don't care what other people think of me so I don't need to worry about impressing them, but I am sure we all do at some level or another.

2/14/2006 10:02:00 PM  

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