Time for a good poop story

It's been a while, and who doesn't like a good poop story? So last week I went with a friend and her three kids to the new Air and Space museuem, the one with the Enola Gay and the Space Shuttle. It was Space Day, so there were lots of cool things for the kids to do. Next to Superheros, space-ships are Jacob's favorite things, so he had a good time. Anyway, coming home, we got stuck in traffic, and my friend's husband got stuck in traffic, and my friend needed to be somewhere. She asked me, slightly desperately, if I would just stay with her kids at her house until her husband got home. Sure, of course. I mean, how hard can it be to watch a 3 year old, an 20 month old, and a 6 month old for about 20 minutes? Potty incident #1. While her mom was getting ready, I lost the 3 year old. I looked around the house, caling her name, then went outside. I found her, peeing in the front seat of the car. Luckily she had peed in a spot covered by a sweatshirt, so I just picked up the dripping sweatshirt, pulled off the child's wet clothes, and tossed them all in the laundry basket. Potty incident #2. The baby had not been fed the entire time we were at the museum, so then I started with that. Jacob started playing happily with the other 3 year old, and all was well. Then the one and a half year old took off her diaper, brought out a little potty into the living room, and started to go pee. All right, that's fine, at least she's on a potty. So, still holding the baby and it's bottle, I wrestle the child back into a diaper, and dump the pee out into the toilet. Potty incident #3. Meanwhile, I have lost total track of the 3 year old, and then I hear a plaintive cry, "Heather--Jacob's Mommy! I need you to wipe my bum!" The potty trained 3 year old had gone potty, and needed some help. Again, still holding the baby, because she is sucking on the bottle as if her life depended on it (which, I guess, in a very real way, it did) and was not about to give it up, I wiped the small child's bum. Potty incident #4. Thinking all was good, I settled back down with the baby and the bottle, but realized that in wiping the 3 year old's bum, I've lost track of the one a half year old. Then I hear a yell from the 3 year old, "My sister is pooping on the carpet!" Me:"She pooped on the carpet?" 3 year old: "Yes, but don't worry, I'll clean it up!" I decided that I needed to rapidly disengage the baby from her bottle and personally investigate. But in the time it took me to position the baby in such a way that she would not roll off, that little bugger of a 3 year old had moved with that incredible speed that only toddlers can acheive, retrieved something from the kitchen, and brought her sisters poop to me ON A SPOON! Me, holding the poop encrusted spoon, "Um, thanks. Is that all there is?" 3 year old: "I don't know. She pooped on this carpet", and she points to an ornate, elaborately designed oriental rug. The design is so elaborate, it's impossible to locate any suspicious looking brown spots. I'm literally on my hands and knees, trying to sniff out the offending poop, when the baby starts crying. Potty incident #5. I look over at the baby, and her little fists are waving and she's waggling her little bum, too. No way, I thought. Please, no way. I pick her up, manage a well positioned sniff, and my worst fears are confirmed. The baby has pooped too, a huge, stinky, blow out, the green, runny kind of poop that is particular to breast fed babies, the niagra falls kind that can not be contained by one puny diaper. I had been in this house for approximately 25 minutes. Seriously, how can three children make so much poop and pee IN 25 FREAKIN' MINUTES?! Thankfully, blessedly, the husband came home at that moment. I related the poop and pee sagas in one breath, said, "Oh-and-by-the-way-the-baby-is-poopy-too-here-she-is gotta-go-by," and Jacob and I high-tailed it out of that poopfest. Maybe I don't need any more kids after all. One potty trained little guy could be just right, thank you very much.