I hate the Very Hungry Caterpillar
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you all are saying, "How can you hate that book? It's a classic! Eric Carle is a genius! Counting, days of the week, healthy lifestyle, that book has everything!" I used to think that way, too. And then I saw the light. And I'm here to expose the truth. That book is part of a VAST, RIGHT BUTTERFLY-WING conspiracy to DESTROY ALL THE PLANTS OF THE WORLD! That book is not only pro-insect. It is ANTI-PLANT! Seriously, haven't we all grown up charmed by these little creatures? Oh, the magic of it all--a caterpillar eats some good food, makes a cocoon, and emerges as a beautiful butterfly. Oh, look at the pretty butterfly! Pretty, pretty, pretty! Not once did it mention the untimely DEATH OF PLANTS that is necessary to support such pretty activities. Does Eric Carle put a disclaimer on his "book" about how many innocent vegetables were harmed in the making of his "classic"? Of course not! He's right there, in the inner circle! To date, these "cute" little creatures have completely destroyed our broccoli crop, in a matter of 2 days, I might add. Yeah, nice green leaf, my *&^%. Also, we found more of the gross, disgusting creatures burrowing into our squash, and it's just a matter of time before we lose most of our squash as well. These fiends hid themselves so well that we didn't notice the damage until it was extensive. Stupid insects. And did you know that these insects are so revered, they even get a special name for their excretions? Yes, it's called "fress". Why everybody just can't call it poop is beyond me. And the visual propaganda is just appalling. I mean, everybody goes for something that looks like this, right? Would you sell as many books if you included THIS, a TRUE IMAGE? Not exactly cute and fuzzy, eh? And yes, those are exact creatures that are inhabitating MY garden! Did I invite them to the party? I don't think so. Join with me friends, join with me to end this conspiracy, to reveal the truth about these creatures. They are foul, evil, squash and broccoli eating fiends who are not to be trusted. And I'd like somebody to figure out how I can recover damages from these guys. They owe me some vegetables, dang it! Maybe I should call Eric Carle. He looks like a guy who could be easily extorted, right?