Nature Sucks Rocks
OK, so today I went up to a cabin of my cousins. Despite what I am going to say in this post, it really was fun, we ate, talked with extended family, etc. etc. However, I have come to a conclusion about myself that I have been flirting with for quite a while. I hate nature. We walked over to the lake to give our kids a canoe ride, and while on the path to the lake, we passed two MOOSE - yes, big, huge antlered animals that could have trampled us at any time. All these people (nature was actually very crowded today) were standing around taking pictures of these mega animals. I was like 'HELLO!' These are wild moose, people! This is not Bullwinkle - I see no talking squirrels anywhere about. (Although that would be COOL - chatting with a squirrel about the pros and cons of nature.) Just because the moose are in the meadow, and you're on the 'path' does not make you safe. They could come and eat you at any time! Well, technically, moose are vegetarians, so they wouldn't eat you, but being trampled to death in front of my children is not my preferred way to go. I was thinking of that old joke of two people come across a bear, and the one says 'Do you think you can outrun a bear?' and the other was like 'I don't have to. I just have to outrun you.' I was seriously wondering if the moose would stop once they started trampling, so all I had to do was outrun some of these people, or if it would just keep coming for me because it smelled my fear or something. Plus, the fact that the crocodile hunter guy who knows everything about animals was just killed by a stingray did not help my mood as I pondered these moose and the lack of knowledge I had about them. (Do you stand still? Play dead? Run like hell? Climb a tree? Crap! No trees!) I was also thinking about the movie 'Failure to Launch' where the one guy was like "Dude. Nature rejects you." (have no idea if that was the actual line) I was hoping nature wouldn't reject me. "Look, kids! Moose! Isn't nature fun?" (OK, just keep walking, pretend you're not scared, get to the lake...I'm pretty sure moose can't swim, but I'm actually not that sure about it...I REALLY wish I was in my car right now!) Back at the cabin, it was a constant watch to make sure the kids didn't go too near the creek, since it was very high and running very fast, and one of my cousins kept walking around yelling "What's the drowning count? Anyone yet?" (which didn't help my water issues at all) and the drive home through windy canyon roads while my kids were yelling "I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD!" over and over made me throw up once I got home. In conclusion, love my family, love eating with them, talking with them, playing games with them, but I prefer to do it without actually having to breathe any fresh air. On the flip side, I wonder what moose tastes like.