Superman Returns - and Frankly, He Can Go Away Again For All I Care
Brandon Rouch is fun to look at. That's about the only truly positive thing I can say about the new movie Superman Returns. Now, I am not a Superman expert. I don't follow all the drama that surrounds the enterprise, I basically just know Christopher Reeve was also fun to look at, Lois and Clark was a pretty fun show while it lasted, and that's about the extent of my knowledge. I've never even seen 'Smallville'. I was going in pretty cold. But this movie...I went to see it on Saturday, alone, using up precious 'away from children time.' I was looking forward to it, and it starts out with a pretty good action sequence on an airplane, and I settled in for an enjoyable afternoon. But then, oh then....the musing began. There is much musing in this movie. Mucho-Musing. Musing Galore. It could be renamed 'Superman Returns to Think About Stuff." In fact, I'm going to start a rumor right now saying that was the working title for quite some time. Apparently Superman likes to fly around in space and look concerned about.....things? People? Whether is suit is machine washable? You can almost hear the director shouting "Look more concerned! I need angst here!" My biggest complaint is Clark Kent, or the lack thereof. He is on screen for maybe 2 minutes, total. Jimmy Olson has more to do than Clark. Perry White has waaayyy more screen time. Even the dog is far more memorable than Clark. Truly, the dog has the best scenes in the movie. Lois Lane and the non-existent Clark/Superman have zero chemistry. None. I would call what they have the antithesis of chemistry, or negative-chem, if you will. The movie is 157 minutes. It needed to be about 90. There's very little plot, and what is there, is extraordinarily hole-y. And not only in the religious way. No, I mean in the Swiss cheese, pour water through a sieve type of way. Speaking of religion, the whole thing really does have an overtly religious overtone that brilliantly manages to have combine preachy, annoying, and bang-the-audience-on-the-head-with-a-sledgehammer-until-they-get-this. Well done, really. Basically, if you are given precious alone time on a Saturday afternoon, or a Friday night, or whenever, hit the library, hit the bookstore, go buy yourself somethin' pretty, or go see something else. This is not worth over 2 1/2 hours of kid-free time. But Brandon Rouch is beautiful. And he muses a lot. If you like that sort of thing.