7/30/2006

Birth Order

OK, so I didn't techincally write this post, it was sent to me in an email, and I apologize if you've seen it before, but since my son is currently walking around in pink shoes now, (turns out his obsession is with shoes in general)it's pretty apt. BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN Your Clothes: 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. __ ___________________________________________________ Preparing for the Birth: 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn' t do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month. ______________________________________________________ The Layette: 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? ______________________________________________________ Worries: 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. ______________________________________________________ Pacifier: 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and w ash and boil it. 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. ______________________________________________________ Diapering: 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. ______________________________________________________ Activities: 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. ______________________________________________________ Going Out: 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. ______________________________________________________ At Home: 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. ______________________________________________________ Swallowing Coins (a favorite): 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays. 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass. 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance! ______________________________________________________ GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live!

8 Comments:

Blogger Trivial Mom said...

This is so true it makes me laugh! I think we can come up with a few more to add . . .

Feeding --
First baby: the finest quality baby food.
Second baby: mushed up food, small bites, but mostly table food.
Third baby: (someone we'll have to help me out because I'm not quite there yet)

Hilarious!

7/30/2006 08:31:00 PM  
Anonymous mimi said...

Trivial Mom-

Third baby: Whatever they find crawling on the floor under #1 and #2's chairs.

7/31/2006 04:19:00 AM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

First Baby: Hand caligraphied and tenderly detailed scrapbook baby book
Second Baby: The fill-in kind from Wal-Mart
Third Baby: A shoe box full of scraps of paper

7/31/2006 11:41:00 AM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

First baby:
Professional photos taken every six weeks, with millions of snapshots in between

Second baby:
Professional photos every six months, the occasional snapshot

Third baby:
Four baby pictures total

7/31/2006 04:13:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

This is making me feel so guilty!!!

7/31/2006 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

But it's fun too:

First baby: wipe warmer, cushioned bathtub in a steamy bathroom, dryer warmed towels and lot's of pictures.

Second Baby: Cold wipes, in and out of the tub as quick as can be, re-use big brother's towel.

Third Baby: How many days since she had a bath? It's your turn.

7/31/2006 05:01:00 PM  
Blogger nestle said...

Car rides

First Baby: when they cry, it's ok because you are riding in the back seat with them so that you're there when they need you.

Second Baby: When they cry you turn around fish for the binky turn around and pop it in the baby's mouth.

Third Baby: you actually go on car rides so that you can have a few peaceful moments where you don't have to DO anything, just sit and drive. By this point baby's crying is just white noise so it's all good.

8/01/2006 08:22:00 AM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

First baby: All totally expensive, fully interactive toys designed to make the baby's brain grow.

Second baby: Share toys with first, run intereference when first child screams every time it happens.

Third baby: Hand them a wooden spoon and some pans.

8/01/2006 11:24:00 AM  

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