6/20/2006

Inflammatory Comments

Breastfeeding is the only option, and if you try anything else, both you and your child are doomed forever. Breastfeeding is not the only option, and if you tell me it is, I will kill you. Sleep training is child abuse. Sleep training is the best way to get your child to sleep, and if you don't do it, both you and your child are doomed forever. Sleeping with your baby is the best way for you to bond, and if you put her in her own bed before she can ask for it, both you and your child are doomed forever. Sleeping with your baby is the worst possible thing you could ever do, and if you don't put him in his crib from day one, both you and your child are doomed forever. If you nurse your baby past the age of one, you are a freak and not to be trusted. If you don't nurse your baby until at least age 3 (which, is, after all, the BIBLICAL weaning age), clearly you and child are doomed forever. BYU is evil. BYU is the best University on earth, and if you feel differently, well, you know the outcome. Dooooommmm......... Organic vegetables and fruits are the best and only thing you should ever eat. Eating our animal equals is just wrong, and the "vegetables" you buy in the regular grocery store will kill you before you realize your potential doom. Vegetarians are freaks and not to be trusted. The earth is doomed. Environmentalists are freaks and not to be trusted. America is evil, and if you feel differently, you are just not educated enough. America is the best place on earth, and if you feel differently, you are unpatriotic and should be shot at dawn. Women are, and ever should be, subservient to men. All men have oppressed women forever, basically, and are the root of all evil, and they should all be shot at dawn. If you let your child watch TV, you have doomed her to a life of obesity and ADHD. TV is a lifesaver, and anything under 3 hours a day is unacceptable. How else will your child learn to read? If your family is not happy 100% of the time, you are not living the gospel. If you are not sad 100% of the time, you are uneducated and just plain stupid. After all, who could ever be in a good mood with all the crap that's out there? People should dress up to go to church so as to show respect for the Lord. People should dress down to go to church so as to not offend the people who can't afford to dress up. Sunscreen causes skin cancer. Lack of sunscreen causes skin cancer. Mammograms cause breast cancer. Mammograms prevent breast cancer. If you don't circumcize your boy, well, then, just accept your doom. Good luck with that. If you circumcize your boy, I hope you like DOOM, because that's what you just chose. You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. Doooommmmm........doooommm

20 Comments:

Blogger Julie M. Smith said...

Your doomed for forgetting to include homebirth and elective c-sections.

6/20/2006 09:21:00 PM  
Blogger Julie M. Smith said...

Oh crud and I'm doomed for the stupidest spelling mistake ever.

6/20/2006 09:22:00 PM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

Julie, after I posted, I was like CRAP! I forgot the doom of epidurals and the doom of home births! Glad you brought it up.:)

Also, clearly you are an uneducated dolt who has doomed her children forever to spelling errors and illiteracy. Oh! The Home School Doom!

6/20/2006 09:30:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

How FUN was that to write!?

6/20/2006 10:08:00 PM  
Blogger Laura W said...

You could retitle the post something along the lines of:

The Complete Works of the Bloggernacle, abridged.

Well, maybe you would have to include SSM and abortion for that title to be appropriate....

6/20/2006 10:33:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I am still laughing...:)

Thanks for some perspective!

6/20/2006 11:02:00 PM  
Blogger Abby said...

What about birth control, and family planning. That just stinks of doom to me.

6/20/2006 11:03:00 PM  
Blogger Trivial Mom said...

Too funny. And I must be an uneducated dolt too, cause I can't find Julie M's spelling mistake . . .

6/20/2006 11:06:00 PM  
Blogger nestle said...

bwahahaha! Milk just came out my nose! giggle.

6/20/2006 11:56:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Your versus You're.... (sorry, I'm a grammatical freak at times! I don't think you are dolts!)

6/21/2006 12:08:00 AM  
Blogger Mo Mommy said...

"The Complete Works of the Bloggernacle, abridged." Do I smell a reduced shakespeare company fan in our midst? Kudos.
Absolutely and truly everything I've read on the nacle in the last year that has caused a ruckus, except perhaps that recent letter that I missed in sacrament and whether or not the snarker is funny. But over all a pretty good synopsis.
*raises hand* oh, oh...doom ME for something will you! Wait, I may have already done that several times over on my own, judging by your list.......

6/21/2006 02:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Mary said...

Hilarious!

6/21/2006 08:48:00 AM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

Tracy - it was pretty fun to write, yes.:)

Mo mommy- Reduced shakespeare compnay! I love them - they're hilarious. I haven't seen them perform in about 10 years, though. Sigh....

6/21/2006 12:01:00 PM  
Anonymous George said...

The only people worse than bloggers are people who comment on blogs. And the only people worse than people who comment on blogs, are people who don't blog at all.

6/21/2006 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger ginger said...

That was too funny. I am pregnant at the moment, and having major hormonal fluctuations (read... I AM A BRAT!) This summed up my feelings about life at the moment quite succinctly.
Hope you don't mind, I linked it on my blog.
Thanks for a great laugh!

6/21/2006 03:29:00 PM  
Blogger Jamie J said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

6/21/2006 04:54:00 PM  
Blogger Maralise said...

I was just talking on the phone with a friend about feeling guilty over child spacing or some such nonsense. And my part of the conversation, weighing pros and cons, went a lot like your inflammatory comments. And thank heavens I have a wonderful and wise friend who convinced me of my own strength to decide for myself without guilt or remorse.

I need a weekly installment of inflammatory comments and wise friends so that I can keep my head on straight. Thanks...

6/21/2006 08:02:00 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

What about mommies who work (either outside the home or inside the home for money) either part time or full time?

6/22/2006 01:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Selwyn said...

Ooh - and the DOOOOOOMMMMM of not having a big number of kids, and not being a quilter and scrapbooker!

And maybe the dooooom of not having the foresight to have hand-cart pushing Mormon pioneer ancestors.... bit hard to come by in Australia, but it's ALL MY FAULT!!!DOOM ON ME!!!!!=P

6/22/2006 06:11:00 AM  
Blogger Tammy and Parker said...

Dear Miz Wiz,

Wow, I hope you are feeling much better getting all out in the open. =) Musta been a HUGE sigh of relief.

Oh a little different note I guess you could play the "doom" card on me for refusing more in depth testing when I was pg with Parker. My mom and I had Parker in the PICU up at Primary's when a visiting (ahem) Fellow asked me if I had understood that I had 'options' and if I did understand that I had 'options' with Parker while in utero, why didn't I take advantage of them.

She was was doing the 'doom' thing on me for bringing this total joy into the world......and I am sure my response put a bit of doom into her life when it reached the ears of the attending physican that day.

In today's world you can be doomed for bringing a child with T21 into the world, and doomed for opting out of the opportunity of bringing one into the world.

You know where I stand on that one.

6/23/2006 12:36:00 AM  

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