5/24/2006

In the Beginning....

In the beginning, it was cute. There were costumes. Toddler-Man clapped at the end of each number. And yet, it was the production that wouldn't end. A few days ago, my daughter came home with a note from school saying essentially: "Come to the school on Tuesday night at 6:00 p.m. for a celebration. Performers need to be there at 5:50." Performers? What? "Honey? Is that you? Are you performing at your school?" "Yeah, there's a program. We're singing 'Wheels on the Bus'." Oh, well, great. Sounds kind of fun. But then, oh, then, I have been to hell, and it is a packed cafeteria/auditorium/gymnasium filled with parents and "alumni" with no less than 30 numbers on the program! There were kindergarteners in duck hats, school board members being honored, pictures of random alumni that nobody cared about(for an elementary school, people! Alumni, I tell you! This is what's wrong with America today). The narration in the middle of each number was from mumbling fourth graders with no mikes, and let me just say, it was not the most pleasant place, temperature-wise. 500+ sweating people who haven't eaten dinner and thus have extremely stale breath, and random babies and toddlers (including mine) with less than fresh diapers, packed into an elementary school "multi-purpose room" could be, quite possibly, the most odiferous place on earth! At first, it was kind of cute, and I thought it would be a fun little thing to do before settling into our evening routine. I did not know it would go on for two hours. My daughter did, indeed, get up and sing 'Wheels on the Bus.' Along with 2 other numbers, with all the other grades doing multiple numbers as well. Hello! These are not professionals! Nobody wants to see this, even if it is our own kids. My personal favorite was the good 2 minutes it took for each class to file off and on the "stage" between each number. That was just GREAT! The production quality was not what you would call "good" or even "fair" - we could barely hear a thing, and yet, I'm not entirely sure that was a bad thing. Toddler-Man happily did the actions for 'wheels'. Then the endless torment began, and instead of clapping and shouting 'yay! in his cute little way, whenever applause began, he would turn to his father "Ok - all done?" He was less than pleased at the situation, and did everything in his power to let us know. He did a lot of screaming and jumping on the metal folding chairs - which, by the way, are the most comfortable chairs known to man, and I hope whoever invented those is extremely wealthy, for they are truly a miracle of science. I wanted to join him, for jumping on chairs looked like a great way to demonstrate my feelings. Sometimes, you know, there's just no other way. (just ask Tom Cruise.) My husband decided that everybody at the school should be fired. Clearly, this was an institution run by incompetent people. And, you know, he just might be right.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Mary said...

Your story has me cracking up! I'm sure my parents sat through the very same never-ending "performances" for all of us kids. I'm sure the best were the elementary school "orchestra" performances that were nothing more than 20 kids screetching the Twinkle variations for hours on end. Priceless.

By the way, the Tom Cruise link was awesome!

5/24/2006 08:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But did they also inflict a PTA meeting on you? Our school does that frequently - hold a "performance" and then take attendance, ask for a vote, and call it a PTA meeting. Adds a good 20 minutes to the beginning and really irritates me. The performing kids are just a ploy to get parents to come to a PTA meeting!

5/24/2006 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Ha ha ha ha !!!

Well, it could have been worse. Okay, maybe not. :)

Luckily, this year, #1's dance recital was split into 3 seperate recitals with about 9 numbers each. 50 minutes of recital, and we went home. It was true bliss. Whoever thought of that was a genius...

And you would think (you really would) that elementary teachers, who are with squirmy, wiggly children ALL day, would understand how cramming them into one room for hours on end wouldn't work. You would think, wouldn't you.....

5/24/2006 11:10:00 AM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

Sounds about as fun as the preschool graduation I went to yesterday!

5/24/2006 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger Kage said...

Cheryl, clearly this was the teacher's dirty rotten plan to get back at the parents for sending them to school all day for the teacher's to deal with (day after day). These teachers might be brilliant masterminds instead of the incompetent dimwits that they are being made out to be.

Wiz-did you feel that every other parent was experiencing the same agony? Those teachers clearly wanted to torture you all. Glad your lived to tell about it, b/c it was not torturous to read!

5/24/2006 01:08:00 PM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

Oh, yes, everyone else there was definitely hating it as much as I was. The cheers from the parents got more and more lackluster as the evening dragged on, and the crown thinned noticeably.

Anon- a PTA meeting? Man, i thought my school board was sneaky. That's just wrong.

5/24/2006 03:28:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Hmmm....Never thought about revenge! That wouldn't surprise me, either! :)

5/24/2006 06:47:00 PM  
Blogger ubercyl said...

I'm so grateful my son's school splits the performances throughout the day. This year the morning kindergarten would perform with the 3rd and 4th graders. And I worked out a signal with my little buddy--I would watch him, make sure he saw me, and then leave when his class was done.

5/26/2006 10:57:00 AM  

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