Don't Call Us, We'll Call You
Tracy's blog has a post entitled "Have you had that baby yet?" with a single word. Nope. And while I know we are all hoping she has the baby soon, it reminded me of all the things people say when a woman is in her final weeks, and exhausted in every way. Some of them are not so kind. I know it's different here in cyberspace, where we don't actually see each other, so asking is the only way to know. But in the non-cyber world, seeing a very pregnant woman and asking why she hasn't had it yet is one of the more frustrating experiences we have in life. Here are some questions I've actually been asked, and answers that I wish I had given. Q: Haven't you had that baby yet? A: Well, I did, actually, but I liked the labor and delivery so much that they put her back in so I can do it again in a few weeks. Q: What are you still doing here? (a favorite at work) A: I just come to work so I can hear the sultry sounds of your voice. Q: I hope you have a route mapped out to the hospital. You could go at any time. A: Ah, yes, labor is so similar to a volcano. Just call me "Vesuvius." Q: You look just like I did when I gave birth. You should go to the doctor right now! A: And tell her what? I look like a woman I know, and since I obey her every order, I'm here to demand that I give birth. Q: Any minute now..... A: I didn't realize pregnancy was measure in minutes. How depressing. What I didn't realize is that this was all just foreshadowing of things to come. "That baby needs a coat." "Where are her shoes?" "You know, she really should have teeth by now. Have you taken her to the dentist to see what's wrong?" All I did in reality was just kind of nod, shrug, or fake laugh. But in my head, I was insulting people left and right. Just so you know. My personal favorite is the daily phone calls from prospective grandparents. "Had the baby yet?" See, these are people I actually would inform while I was in labor, or en route to the hospital. Don't call us, we'll call you.