Am I a Stalker?
Every now and then, I get the urge to Google people. Old boyfriends, for one. I try to find out everything I can, and the DH comes over and asks what I am doing, and I show him, and then we Google his old girlfriends, and then he gets bored, and then I call my sister and tell her what I've learned, and then we waste enormous amounts of time googling every guy we've ever dated or thought about dated, old friends from high school and beyond, just to see what's up. Is this normal behavior, or am I just a stalker at heart?
BTW, it's easier to Google men. Their names don't change. I never thought that the name change in marriage would help protect you when it came to internet privacy, but apparently it does.
The thing is, I'm not searching for these people because I have any interest in actually spending large amounts of time with them. There is no way I am pining for old boyfriends, and there is a reason I've lost touch with most of these people. No really malicious reasons, just our lives have taken different paths over the years. No, what I want, really, is just an "update sheet" of sorts - just a little paragraph showing if they have kids, what they're doing with themselves nowadays, where (generally, not specifics) they are living. Is this weird?
Does anyone else do this, or do I need to seek professional help for my stalkerish tendencies?
posted by The Wiz at 4/17/2006 01:12:00 PM
17 Comments:
Yes, you are totally a stalker. And involving your sister in your nefarious schemes only contributes to her eventual moral downfall. Thanks a lot.
I feel like this too. I just want to know what people are up to, how they're doing in life. I had a blast when I signed up to be the 'yearbook' person for my old exchange organization, and got to Google everyone I'd been with, with official permission!
I don't know; I don't think it's creepy to wonder what people are doing, but OTOH maybe it is? But I wonder whatever happened to that one guy...
I would have to say: no. You are in now way a stalker. Of course, this is after your inspiring me to google my old boyfriends and even myself (to see what they would find). Rather fulfilling, I must say. Really: isn't wondering how fat and bald your old boyfriends have become a normal and perfectly rational thing. Right? Right...?
I google my old friends too. Whenever I get nostalgic, like I did in today's post on my site, I throw a name through and see what I find. Apparently there are several. Hmphh.
I do this all the time. In fact, I came over to MMW after just googling someone. I google all kinds of people - not just people from my past, but people from my future. If I have a choice of taking teacher training from one of two people, I try to find out as much as I can about them. You can find a lot out by googling phone numbers as well. I google myself to find out how easy it would be for a stalker to find me. Pretty easy. But I know karate so I'm not worried.
DH says I am a stalker at heart, since I stalked him continually after our first date. I like to know. I like to be informed. It makes me feel important when I know things.
I label myself a stalker, but I'm not one of those dangerous psycho kind. I Google people all the time (although I prefer MSN Search). I think it's kinda like the whole celebrity thing. There's just a curiosity about people and their lives. I do appreciate the easiness of finding people, though, because I've gotten back in touch with one of my best friends from third grade, after not being in contact with her for ten years.
I guess I'm a stalker too... (humming the Dr Pepper song...)
a nonny mouse...
RIGHT! you had me chuckling out loud.
I'm totally one who "likes to know." So, if you are indeed a stalker, you are not alone! ;)
Mrs Moo--
Who were you googling that brought you to MMW? Were you googling one of the contributors? Enquiring minds want to know!
You and me both
http://www.thewiz.com/cgi-bin/lansaweb?procfun+thewizstor+wizhome+pcr+eng
Hee hee! I am so not affiliated with that website. It would be cool if I were, though..free TV's for everyone!
Heather,
My google search didn't bring me directly to MMW. It was a fruitless search on someone whose name I had in my email address book, who I didn't recognize. Nothing relevant turned up, so I came here deliberately to check in with all the mommies and smile! This is one of my favorite places to be.
Oh, I do that, too. I'm quite concerned that a boy who was kind to me my junior year died in Vietnam because it's like he disappeared off the map. I would just like to thank him.
I do this too, but I often only look up the people that I don't/didn't like. I do it with the decidedly un-christian goal of seeing if the jerks got what they deserved. Unfortunately (fortunately?) what I find out often has very little to say about how happy their marriage is, or how many friends they have. At that point I normally decide that I probably shouldn't be glad to know that so-and-so got divorced and all their friends hate them, so it would be better if I don't find out those things so that I can't react with gladness.
I am organizing my high school reunion and gathering folks. It has been so fun to revisit those names and faces and to see where everyone's path has lead. I think many of us are unknowingly self-centered in high school b/c we are trying to figure out who we are, where we fit in and where we are going...and we have no idea that so-and-so was headed down this path or that. We all become so vastly different and yet we all had a lot in common for 4 years. I think it is all very fascinating and not stalker-ish at all.
As for old boyfriends...I mean didn't you love that guy once...didn't you picture more than once what your future would be with him? Seeing where he is now would either make you sad (b/c you missed out) or happy (b/c you made such a GREAT choice to dump him.)
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I do that all the time, for one particular man "old flame" since childhood; my best friends brother, I'm 47, I've known him since I was 7. Hated him and loved him for many years. I googled him. I found him on "classmates" yikes? I dropped him an email saying hello. Big mistake. Next thing he calls me at 1 am and CRYS ON THE PHONE ! saying it should have been him that I married. OH my God.
Well, he changed his tune when he realized I was and always had been thinking about him constantly. Still we talked on the phone a lot. He told me he still loved me. He lied a lot too. He finally told me never to talk to him again. My biggest stalking thing was emails full of both love and hate. Psycho email writer. I confess I'm a psycho for this person. Still, I should have moved on. I keep fighting this devil in my mind. I don't know if it's love but it sure is some weird ego-driven obsession. I love him as a person, I mean him no harm, but I am harming myself.
Heartbreak, I'm married 18 years. I'm a small time psycho stalker, I would never leave my kids for him. I just have such sad mental and emotional anguish in my heart. I think about him too much still. Sick, sick...sick. Oh, if I had known the emotional and mental torture that one little email could have made, I never would have sent it.
I've calmed down. It's been 2 years since the first contact. He thinks I'm psycho now. I admit he's right. Do I really love this man ? OMG why haven't I grown up and moved on ?
I never meant myself any harm. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I hurt myself like this. I didn't deserve this. I had to go to a psychiatrist and get OCD medication to stop obsessing.
Please, ladies, moms DON'T look up and email old flames. We didn't get married to these people for a reason 95 persont of the time. I know the reason he and I never hooked up but I'm still a mental wreak and it has ruined my relationship with my husband. I'd never leave my emotionally available husband for this person....but I am so obsessed with him.
Pain, oh the emotional and mental pain of being lied to and somehow still wanting the bastard that I could never have. He was never there for me unless he wanted sex.
How did this happen to me ?
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