Cleaning my Pearls
Maybe it's because I'm getting older. Or maybe it's because I can't see my feet, I'm about as uncomfortable as an elephant in toe-shoes and my brain is sopping in mama hormones. But I've been thinking. As I cruise around the blogernacle while my youngest naps, and I read some of the things out there- and as I contemplate my own spirituality and how what I read effects how I feel, I have come to this conclusion: If you're lookin' for it, you'll find it. There are some great sites out there, and I for one am glad to have a place where we can go read ideas and thoughts from folks we can generally assume are at least in the same ballpark as we are. There are blogs and sites that are carefully constructed, well thought out, and gospel-centered; those are the places that have helped me greatly be able to answer questions and accusations from my non-member family, and have eased tension in my relationships. There are sites that are just plain fun, that poke at our human foibles and hold up a mirror for us to see how silly we are sometimes. There are sites that require you to have a 16 pound dictionary next to you as you read them, sites devoted to the LDS sub-cultures, and the arts, sites for free-thinkers, traditionalists, and the rest of us in betweeners. It hasn't taken me long to find the places I feel most comfortable, and most of them are the mommy-centered blogs. Who can alleviate or understand the isolation (and satisfaction) of being with toddlers all day, changing diapers, caring for a family and trying to occasionally tend my spirit, better than another mom? We choose this road, but that doesn't make it an easy one to walk. Early on, when I first found this network of people, I made the mistake of thinking that everyone knew better than me, and I tried to read to too much into too many ideas. After reading and contemplating a few too many posts on sites that sent doubts and disquiet into my heart, I had to check out for a while. The written word is powerful, even if it is just a little blog. The written word allows us to re-read, to think critically, to infer more, and to contemplate. When someone presents an especially articulate argument, it is seductive. But just because an idea is wrapped in nice words, does not mean I have to unwrap it and add it to my own cannon. There are posters and sites I avoid now, because I have found my spirit wavers when I read too many posts that are critical of the Church and things I care deeply about. There is certainly a place for discourse, and I fault no one for expressing a view contrary to what mine may be, but I am happier and healthier if I don't wallow too long in other people's mud pools. That does not make me feeble, weak, or judgmental. Nor does it make me intolerant or any other derogatory label that can be slapped on- it just makes me responsible for my own spirit. I'm not going looking for answers to questions that weren't mine. I've got more than enough issues on my own, without seeking out new ones from other's imaginations- Because in the LDS blogernacle, and life in general, if you're lookin, you'll find it.