Why you should never go to Costco

I was upstairs today truly pondering the mysteries of life while 2 of my children were downstairs watching Sesame Street. Now, to the untrained eye, it MAY have looked like I was just zoning out watching reruns of "The Cosby Show", but that is one of my preferred methods of pondering. As my ponderings came to an end, and, coincidentally, the credits began to roll, I came downstairs to make lunch for me and the kiddos. I was planning on making some "all white meat, no trans fats" chicken nuggets, along with the "no trans fats, completely organic, gluten-free" french fries, both purchased at Costco yesterday. SEE what healthy food we eat around here? As I came downstairs, the first thing I saw was that only one of my children was watching aforementioned PBS. I turned into the kitchen, and saw Toddler-Man with his hand in the oven, (thankfully turned off) with some sort of pale, thick liquid smeared down the oven door. "Hi, Mommy." (He has never opened the oven door before in his life. He says "hot" every time we go near it.) "Hi, buddy." My first thought was that he had gotten yogurt out of the fridge and for some inexplicable reason had put it in the oven. Then I turned to the counter, and all revealed itself in due time. Eggs. 24 of them, as one can only buy at Costco, had been removed from the fridge, and apparently Toddler-Man felt that they belonged in the oven. The non-cracked ones looked like little white baked potatoes, placed carefully on the rack and ready to be removed, cut open, and smeared with butter and sour cream. The cracked ones, well, they looked nothing like that. Of course, they didn't all make it into the oven. Several were cracked on the floor, which had been mopped yesterday, and one had even been cracked into an empty milk carton waiting to be recycled. Talented dude, that Toddler-Man. My dog wasn't thrilled at the prospect of licking all the egg off the floor. I thought dogs loved eggs. Fortunately, 2 year olds love cleaning up almost as much as they love making a mess, as long as it involves paper towels and a spray bottle. (Wow, there's egg inside the drawer.) The clean up song (the ONLY good thing to come from Barney, IMO) was employed in full force, while my 4 year old kept asking when we would have lunch. Oh, well, my oven hadn't been cleaned in a while, anyway. I think I need to place a child-lock on the oven door, go back upstairs, and ponder some more. Maybe I can find some reruns of "Cheers" on TV.


Blogger Tracy M said...

It's that deadly silence. That disquieting quiet- and by the time you notice it, you know you are in deep!

Holy cow- eggs are sooooo bad to clean up! That beats my kids crumbling the Costco pack of chocolate muffins and eating them like puppy dogs off the floor while I was off pondering!

He he he...laughing with you, not at you!

1/24/2006 07:24:00 PM  
Blogger Heather O. said...

Pondering...pondering...what a great euphemism!

1/24/2006 07:46:00 PM  
Blogger HLH said...

I sure hope you took a picture of all of this! Its great (ok, it is great, but only because it happened to you and not me!)

1/24/2006 11:24:00 PM  
Blogger Liesl said...

The Barney thing --

One of my friends absolutely hates Barney, but her 3 -yr old loved it. One day she asks him why. His response: "Mom, Barney's a Tyrannosaurus Rex! Any minute he could turn around and eat those kids!"

Puts a whole new spin on things, doesn't it?

1/24/2006 11:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth said...

Man! Eggs!!
I am countin' my many blessings. And all 200 are named Polly Pockets pieces! They're small, but they aren't sticky.

1/25/2006 12:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Sara R said...

Eggs are horrible! We had an egg mess last week because the 5 year old dropped the carton. We hadn't had a mess like that since my oldest was 2 and thought it would be fun to crack them on the linoleum while I took a nap.

Here is a Don Aslett cleaning tip for future gooey messes: a squeegee and a dustpan. Use the squeegee to push the mess into the dust pan, then empty it into the sink and rinse the dustpan. Also works well for vomit or a latex paint spill.

1/25/2006 12:27:00 AM  
Anonymous meems said...

Have you ever stepped barefoot on a Polly Pocket piece? :-) I know what you mean, Elizabeth!

At least there wasn't one of those giant Costco containers of mayonnaise involved!

1/25/2006 01:01:00 AM  
Blogger annegb said...

How was that with only one arm? I think they could use eggs as glue on the space shuttle.

1/25/2006 09:27:00 AM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

Yeah, it was a party doing it left handed alone. I'm really getting used to it, though. My left handed writing is improving dramatically.

I'm with you on the Polly Pocket pieces. They are evil, packaged for little girls. "mom.have you seen the other blue shoe, the size of your fingernail?"

1/25/2006 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger ShelahBooksIt said...

some of my greatest thinking takes place while staring at the tv screen. don't knock it until you've tried it, lol.

1/25/2006 01:53:00 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Eggs are hard to clean up. Polly Pockets are maddening, especially if, like me, you get really bugged by playsets missing half their pieces.

But the hardest, most awful thing I've ever, ever cleaned up was dark blue liquid laundry detergent. In the carpet. Half a bottle, all up and down the hallway. It was baaaad.

1/25/2006 02:34:00 PM  
Blogger FluffyChicky said...

Eggs are terrible to clean up. Once while I was getting the baby girl down for her nap, my "I'll always be your bestest boy, won't I Mommy?" son discovered the carton of eggs in the fridge, opened the microwave, placed said carton of eggs inside, grabbed the rolling pin and proceeded to flatten the entire thing. Then the boy who knows how to opperate anything electronic started the microwave for 15 minutes. When I got done laying down baby girl, I discovered my son's culinary creation...eggs ala carton flambe. As I screeched "Why?" my son gazed up at me with his lovely brown eyes and said "You haven't fed me today Mommy and I was starving. This is your fault, not mine." And my husband wonders why I enjoy going to work so much. :)

1/25/2006 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger Bek said...

In my house the rule is that if I find polly pocket pieces on the floor, they go bye bye. I throw them away with glee. The result is that after a few weeks, we don't have any shoes to worry about and she knows that it is the consequence of HER actions. Who makes toys the size of a grain of rice?

Also, another helpful Polly Pocket hint. If you are like me and feel like you want to rip your skin off after the one millionth time you 3 year old comes to you wanting you to dress them (they are so SMALL), I finally cut the dresses down the back so that they opened all the way. They are plastic so they still look "closed" but dd can get them on and off easier!!!

Sorry about the eggs. Reminds me of the time my daughter switched the hard boiled eggs (which my kids love and can't eat enough of) with the raw ones in the frids. I sent raw eggs to school with her. The teacher didn't appreciate the mess. :-) Now we draw smiley faces on the boiled ones!

1/25/2006 03:38:00 PM  
Blogger Ana said...

My 2yo tried a similar trick at my mom's house. Only he broke them all open on the floor in front of her basement fridge where she keeps her Costco stash. Just close enough to the fridge itself so that all the runny, shell-filled mess oozed underneath.

My mom is so patient. Me, not so much.

Personally, I don't go to Costco because I can't get out of that place for less than $150 no matter what I do!

1/25/2006 04:22:00 PM  
Blogger Ana said...

When he was 2 he did that, I should say. He's 6 now. He doesn't pull those ultra gooey mess tricks anymore, thank goodness.

1/25/2006 04:24:00 PM  
Anonymous jbn said...

Were you "pondering" Wiz, or conjuring?

1/26/2006 12:09:00 PM  

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