Embracing the unembraceable
I have tried to change this about myself - I have tried to ignore it, I have tried to dance around it. The only thing I haven't tried is embracing it - so that's what I'm trying to do. Here's the thing - I have no life skills. I cannot do even the smallest amount of plumbing. At all. Currently, my toilet moans at me horribly whenever I flush it, and so I ignore it and go to the other bathrooms in the house so that my house doesn't explode. DH assures me it's not going to explode, but, you know, better safe than sorry. I cannot garden. Occasionally I can tell a weed from a plant, but not always. I'm not even sure it's most of the time. After all, some weeds are pretty, too. And i can't trim my little tree/bush things evenly, no matter how hard I try, because they always look even at first, and then I take a step back, and everything's skewampus. It's kind of a metaphor for life. I can barely cook. I can cook enough to not starve. But not enough so that my family actually enjoys what we're eating. As we say after a meal like that "well, it filled the void, anyway." Maybe I should move to England? I hear everyone is a bad cook there? Yes? I cannot do home repairs of any kind. I try, occasionally, and then I find I can't replace the 'drill bits' (if that is, indeed, their real name) in the drill, even after reading the directions a hundred times. I tried to replace the hardware on my bathroom cabinets as a surprise for DH. Instead I ended up calling him in tears because the $%$%!!!$% drill thing would not work. And the measurements were off. I cannot decorate. At all. I have no sense of what home decor would look good where, I just know that when I do it, it's not a pretty picture. I have to recruit my sister who lives in a different state to come and hang my pictures for me. Truly. I have done this. And she came. And made my house pretty. I cannot go shopping without her, or know where to put a new rug, or if a picture is hung too high on the wall. It's sad, but true. I now have a decorator friend who helps me out. Which is good, because my sister is not coming in time to help me figure out which of my Christmas decorations are nice, which ones are crap, and where they should go to maximize the holiday spirit. And lastly, and most pathetically of all, I cannot dress myself. I can't. I don't know if things fit, or if they're too short, too tight, too loose, or if that's simply not the way that particualr shirt is worn. I am stuck in the era of jeans and T-shirts, but I can't even do those right, because apparently my jeans are too big in the waist and too short at the bottom. And even T-shirts turned on me and became difficlut to figure out. Too long! Too short! Don't tuck it in. Yes, tuck that one in, obviously. I don't know if jewelry is trendy and cool, or lame and trying too hard. And which shoes are appropriate with what? AAAAIEEEEE! So, I am embracing this about myself. I've spent too long battling it. I've spent too much time staring at the wall trying to figure out what picture to hang there, and too much money trying to buy the right bedding that will finally make my bedroom cute. I'm just going to focus on playing with my kids, playing with my friends, playing with my husband, and traveling around to see random plays. I'm going to try to have my kids have memories of Mom laughing and singing, (although they often tell me to stop singing, it's kind of annoying) and not stressing over her messy house that she can't manage to keep clean. (That's another skill I totally missed out on when they were passing them out. Keeping a house clean is fundamentally impossible to do. In my world, anyway.) I have to embrace that we all have different talents, and mine somehow don't seem to be of much use in this world. Maybe the next one. There's always hope. And yet, somehow, I want my children to have life skills. I want them to be able to function where I somehow cannot. Hopefully that'll work out somehow. Maybe with enough faith.