9/06/2005

Common Mommy Lies

The following is a non-comprehensive list (you know, I've decided that I like lists) that I have created of various LIES I have been told over the years concerning motherhood. Feel free to add your own. 1. Keeping your baby awake during the day will make him sleep better at night. LIE! This only results in a grumpy, overtired baby, and a slightly schizophrenic mommy. Under NO circumstances should you do this. Let the kid sleep during the day. You'll like him better. 2. Breastfeeding is pain-free. I believe this lie is perpetuated by men who like to look at nursing mother's chests. The first time my daughter latched on correctly, I couldn't breathe, I was in so much pain. It did get better, but there was always some pain with every initial latch. Ouch-a-rama. Please don't lecture me on the benfits of breastfeeding. The benefits are still there, but there is a price attached. 3. Your body will bounce back completely after you give birth. Hmm.....maybe if you're a movie star with plastic surgeons, personal trainers, and 3 nannies. But for the rest of us, the stretch marks will always be there as a badge of honor. And beware....the Incredible Shrinking Boobs is quite the magic trick that nature plays. 4. If you introduce your child to vegetables early and often, they will like them and not complain. Whoever said this never had children. That's all I have to say about that. And it does NOT matter in what order you introduce each new food. They will always like fruits better, and chocolate even better than that. 5. Giving your child a pacifier is the worst thing you can ever do. Hey, if it gives you some quiet time when nothing else will, break out the binkies and buy them in bulk. Nobody goes to college with a binkie. 6. How old is your child? Well, then, that's the size of clothing she wears. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA 7. Your children aren't listening to you. NOPE! The truth is, they're listening more than you know, and understand more than you think. Talk about having to 'watch your thoughts, words, and deeds.' Most everything you do affects your child. Scary, but true. 8. Running errands with a toddler isn't that hard.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Susan M said...

I don't remember being told any of those things...but I can't remember being told anything right now.

9/06/2005 09:08:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy M said...

Your children are born a blank slate which you can gently form and mold as they grow... HAHAHAHAHAHA HA! Anyone who thinks this doens't have kids, or only has one easy, small baby. My children were never, ever: small, easy, mild, moldable, or otherwise blank. It makes me crazy when childless friends comment about how if I only ________(fill in the blank) then my kids would be _________(fill in the blank). Your kids come to you who they are already... And sometimes, who they are is a strong-willed little person and you do the best you can each day to show them how to grow. Blank slate?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

9/06/2005 10:37:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa M. said...

My favorite~

"When you hold that baby in your arms, you will instinctively know how to breast feed them"

Um ya, me and three lactation consultants.

(I agree with the pain thing!)

9/07/2005 02:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Mary said...

Don't get me started on breastfeeding! I had toe-curling pain the first EIGHT weeks with a correct latch and everything. What is more, dd is now 10 months and has been teething and that has somehow hurt one of my nipples just like when I was learning to breastfeed. Oh the agony!!

Another lie: Babies often begin to sleep through the night around 8 weeks. Ours actually did this, but it only lasted 2 months and we haven't experienced it since. Sigh.

Last lie: Crying it out works. The baby will learn to self-soothe in a matter of days and you will all get to sleep all night. My dear girl is still waking every 3-to-4 hours at night. That whole learning to self soothe has bypassed our house. She can yell for hours on end!

After re-reading this, I sound so grumpy! Our daughter is a crack-up and a dream come true...minus the sleep and nipple issue... Yeah for the crazy, great challenge called motherhood!

9/07/2005 10:18:00 AM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

I love the blank slate comment. No way any child is a blank slate. I thought that maybe when I had my first, and then I had my second, and did everything I did with my first to make her as good a sleeper. No such luck. Each child is different, anyone who says differently is selling something.

9/07/2005 11:13:00 AM  
Blogger Bryce said...

1-7 are the truth (at least, my wife tells me so -- I've never nursed a baby). However, #8 isn't a lie -- running errands with just a toddler isn't that hard compared to running errands with an infant, a toddler, and a 4-year old.

9/07/2005 04:19:00 PM  
Blogger Andrea Wright said...

lol, Wiz. The one I always heard and falsely clung onto was that a baby outgrows colic at 3 months. I SWEAR mine have it for 9!

9/07/2005 05:03:00 PM  
Anonymous manaen said...

#8. When I had toddlers about, running errands was much easier because a kid in the car meant carpool lane for me!

9/07/2005 05:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1 and 3 have not been lies for us. Sorry.

9/07/2005 05:58:00 PM  
Blogger The Wiz said...

Bryce-
That's true. Running errands with one kid is always easier than running them with 3 (or even 2). But toddlers are hard in the store (whine)! I guess it's just mine.

9/07/2005 06:12:00 PM  
Blogger annegb said...

Mary, my kids never slept through the night. I was determined with my grandchildren, though, and grandkids aren't sure if grandma means it.

My little Rowan, age 4, cried for four hours one night, screamed and came in and begged to stay up. I held firm. Finally at 12 midnight, there was silence. I went quietly and checked. She was awake, laying there, just looking calmly around. She fell asleep and slept the rest of the night.

The next night it took 15 minutes. We have no trouble now.

The baby, age one, screamed for 15 minutes the first night (she's an amateur compared to her sister), then slept all night. The next night 5 minutes. No trouble since.

With my kids, I felt guilty and torn, with my grandkids, I know I love them, I have no guilt and we all need the sleep. Which we get. When they go home, they cry and their mom lets them up.

9/08/2005 02:05:00 AM  
Blogger Andrea Wright said...

I'm with you Wiz, I would WAY rather take a baby to the store than a 2-3 yr. old!

9/08/2005 11:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My personal favorite is "sleep when your baby sleeps." Yeah right! Who has the time for that when you have to eat, pee, shower, clean house, do laundry, etc. during that time, and that was just with my first. Now with baby number two I am completely sleep deprived because there really is no time when I can sleep when the baby does because my toddler needs me all day long.

9/11/2005 11:10:00 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

I refused prescription pain meds after my first child was born, but realized how foolish that was when my milk came in. I used to cry when I'd see her big hungry mouth coming for me. But I didn't have sore nipples with child II or child III.

#4 and #8 haven't been lies for us. Although of course they still like chocolate best. I do, too. That's why I make sure I never have it around (or that it's hidden really well for my own personal consumption after the kids are asleep).

And of course it's easier to shop alone than with a toddler, but I agree that just one child, of any age, seems like a treat now -- and speaking of treats, the free cookie sample at the grocery store helps a great deal, as does never, NEVER letting the boy out of the cart. If he ever realizes he can do it, my life will be over.

9/12/2005 02:17:00 PM  
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10/07/2005 08:30:00 AM  
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10/08/2005 09:41:00 AM  
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10/08/2005 12:18:00 PM  

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